Surrendering to grace...

[Twofeet]

In other words, we know the problems. We know the solution. Each of us has to lovingly offer compromise. But as all of us in this virtual community know, that is a choice that must be made willingly.

It's gotta be more complicated than that, but maybe it's because you didn't provide details. Honestly, I don't buy this brief simple explanation.

The reason they are not willing to make the choice is because they refuse to deal with their issues. They prefer to run away from their issues and blame us for putting it in their face. We remind them of their inner struggles and pains. We are like a mirror for them. They hope that they can ignore their pains and all the emotional turmoils by staying away from us. And it will work for a while.

I don't believe that they built the resentment because of us. I see that explanation as not taking responsibility for their choices and their inner issues. They built the resentment mostly because of their internal issues and their emotional immaturity.

Part of their inner issues is not understanding the difference between emotions and true love. They are so confused internally and they probably have always been even if they appear stable from the outside. They think that the choice they are making is to separate from us, but in reality it's a choice to run away from any intimate relationship and hoping that their pains will go away.

But because they are in such a rebellious state right now and they have the illusion that they solved their problems, they are usually defensive and will get angry if anyone tries to help them.

Unfortunately, everyone around them will realize that trying to tell them the truth is a lost battle (even the therapists IMHO) and will just push them further away. And so everyone who still cares for them decides to listen and approve what they say. Basically, they are like teenagers who are struggling to grow emotionally. They hurt the closest people to them.

Their emotions need to calm down which will take a long time. Then they will need to tear down the wall that they have built and that is blinding them. Then, they may start seeing their issues and then they'll have a choice to make. Either go through the pain and face their issues or continue running.

It is very complicated. So I decided to also run away from her issues and move on.

My 2 cents!

Kiro,

Do you know my sitch? Do you know me and wife in RL? I kid, I kid but your description all they way down to the IC realizing they are kind of a lost hope at this point feels so accurate to me. What I am saying is that your perception of the issue of your W, feels like a mirror image of my reality.