Actually, your STBXW and my W sound similar in their approach to feelings.
I won't go into the details, but it is emerging that my upbringing was very much about sharing emotions and recognizing the validity of emotions. W's mom is very much an emotional flat-liner. W keeps all the feelings in...she regards my emotions with disapproval...the resentments build...and then one day, W walks away because she is too exhausted to work through the emotions.
Therapist has been very helpful in helping us to identify these deeply-rooted patterns. She encourages us to rise above these old patterns and to face the future with hope and courage.
In other words, we know the problems. We know the solution. Each of us has to lovingly offer compromise. But as all of us in this virtual community know, that is a choice that must be made willingly.
In light of W's claims that she no longer loves me and wants to move on, I feel discouraged and also want to move on.
But the advice from our community is encouraging: patience; marathon, not sprint; behavior, not words. Regarding behavior, she initially wanted a single therapy session to provide closure; we just had our fourth session together. I'll draw hope from wherever I can find it.
