DB again... too late or last strike

[Did]

Ovr thanks for checking in. From my phone sorry for typos. I’m ok doing a good GAL activity today going into the city to go to a pro lacrosse game with some guys.

What to do... W says she has been holding back a lot and really been missing me. Asked me to talk which we did.

She said she is just not as emotionally available as I am. And she is in a place where she feels she needs to be selfish because her whole life including our marriage she gave and never took. I held back the anger of paying for her life while she is being selfish. Tried to validate when I could. I think this is fine to an extent but unhealthy if too much. Moderation...

She also mentioned something 15 months ago I looked at her phone and saw setting intense stuff full frontal to om1. When seeing this I called her mom and told her what she was doing. I was definitely very hurt and angry but my intention was to get her help. I was reading these really sexual messages to her mom. And this guy was a piece of sht. Anyway I told w that our truths can be different and a healthy way of disagreeing and arguing is to respect each other’s opinions not try to change them. I validated it was definitely wrong of me and I understand your perception that you believe I just wanted to shame or hurt you. My perception is different but that doesn’t make you wrong. That’s your truth and I’m sorry.

Boundaries - Told her the inconsistency is unhealthy and I refuse to have toxic relationships in my life. I refuse to let anyone stop me from reaching my potential. And I do not want to hear about other men.
I did apologize for repeating old patterns and being too focused on her when we were dating a few weeks ago. And I said it would not happen again. We talked about the love and relationship we had being unhealthy even though it feels good to be so close with someone to be healthy you need to have boundaries And your own separate lives and the relationship being a separate thing altogether.

Overall the conversation went well I’m sure I made a bunch of mistakes. Like even having the conversation in the first place. But she did reach out. She did seem to respect my opinions and said the difference is that I have read and done therapy and my opinions aren’t just me trying to control. I told her my opinions are usually based on instincts which are many times correct and serve us well but not in our relationship it seems. I told her I do not want to control her.

All this being said I don’t see any change. So I will still be DBing. She knew I had a timetable from therapists recommendation and she asked if I would tell her the timetable. I said February which was true. I don’t know if she will just have a bunch of sex and date before then or have a goal of getting her [censored] together by then.

I told her the wording she uses like I don’t want to be traumatized but I am puts her in a victim role and I think the support is enabling her to stay in that role. I mentioned wording and thoughts and intention being very important in my opinion.

She is taking her test in a few days to start working as a soil scientist. So I’m just going to do my thing and try not to think about her. Easier said than done the u healthy fixer mindset is strong. And I’m going to be battling that.

Thanks for the conversation and support.