Surrendering to grace...

[kiro]

Thanks, K. First, it's strange that we sometimes feel apologetic about talking about spiritual things. Myself, I don't accept orthodoxy as literal truth. I view religious beliefs as metaphors for humanity's wisdom passed through the ages. For me, religious practices reinforce this wisdom, which in turn modulates the emotional roller-coaster I am on during these trying times.

I too drifted from the faith that had meant so much to me. I have rediscovered this faith and I am never letting go again, regardless of this particular journey's outcome.

An integral part of my M is that this shared faith was what first drew W and I together. Similarly, I think part of our independent journeys, now that we are separated, is that each of us is trying to live more spiritually driven lives of integrity and wholeness.

I do not want to delude or manipulate W or myself. Therapist's advice to "let go and let God" is apt. I can hope W's journey brings her back to the tenets of our once-shared faith and its wisdom regarding M's sacramental nature. But her path forward is hers to discern.

I must accept that her path might lead her to a different destination from my desired one. Therapy sessions have been helpful in shining light into the dark areas that impede each of our paths. But once we are aware of these areas, I think each of us still needs courage to walk down the path most consistent with our individual souls. I continue to pray these paths eventually merge.

Wow! Paco, you seem to be in a very good place. Clearly, there is a good understanding between your W and yourself, which is great because one of the hardest thing in my sitch and many others is the lack of communication and understanding.

If you continue down this path, I'm sure you won't have a hard time accepting the outcome without bitterness and keep a good relationship with your W whether you get back together or not.

I think this is an area where I still have more work to do, but my problem is that my STBXW (soon-to-be exWife) has always struggled with communicating her feelings. She never allowed me to understand what she was thinking or feeling, either before BD or since then. I had to do a lot of guessing after the fact and then I decided to stop trying and move on. This makes it difficult to forgive her completely.

I think each of us still needs courage to walk down the path most consistent with our individual souls. I continue to pray these paths eventually merge.

It takes a lot of courage to think that way. I commend you for this.