You current stuck-ness. I would like to suggest something, a different framing of it.
To start with, you are correct, of course, that you can only do your healing and she has to work on her’s.
Are you healed enough to leave? I remember when you had had enough and needed to leave, needed to heal. Then W dumps OMs and drops filing, situation heads off in new direction. Lots of action, and drama.
Things are much settled for you, I see it in your writings.
I believe you are healed well enough that you could leave, you could see that. I am not suggesting anything of the sort, to be clear. This is when standing really starts. Did you pass that point a while ago and are just revisiting it, or is it a first time realization. I have my guess; it is what you feel and believe that matters.
For what it is worth, get back to your basics a bit. Focus on you.
Limbo is not much fun, it is also not much bad, it is not much anything really. It’s limbo.
The lack of drama takes some getting used to, especially after experiencing drama for an extended period of time. The peace and contentment from limbo is strange and foreign. Embrace it.
Becareful of limbo seeping into other parts of your life. Your relationship with W, your love life, dating, etc... is on pause at times and on slow play at others. That is ok. Keep living the other parts of your life at normal speed. Takes a bit to get the hang of that.
Something I have notice with myself and others, frequency of postings tends to go down when we are internally figuring something out, looking for a solution, or facing a crossroad - that kind of thing. Your frequency is down as of late, not a definite causality of internal struggle. There are many reasons for a drop in number of postings, you do have lots going on in your life. Perhaps in your head and heart as well.
My view is not so much you are stuck, you are sitting quietly, in limbo, patiently seeking guidance or a heading. Your written and deleted posts are a good indicator of that. I’ve been there, don’t rush the answers, and don’t jump on the first one that presents itself.
How we proceed in our situation, our minds, and our hearts has a lot to do on how we perceive and frame our outlook. Are you stuck? Are you indifferent? Are you in limbo? Are you just getting used to the strangeness of it?
My view of you and your situation is still one of admiration and hope. Don’t fret, you, and her, are making progress - separately and some together. Her appearant stuck-ness might just be her internally figuring out stuff too. Remember space and time - as she needs it.
Focus on you. That doesn’t mean ignore her, and I know you know that. Let limbo take you where it does, focus on your other parts of your life, one that do not include her, or very little of her. Focus on what you can control, not what you can’t.
Kindness, compassion, and forgiveness are your guides and headings. Follow them. Spend time with her when she wants too and she can. Remember this is still very much her dance, her tune, her speed.
Are you healed enough to leave?
If not - Stand, and keep working on Gordie.
If yes - Stand! Keep working on Gordie, settle in, and get comfortable.
As a very good friend of your’s begrudgingly accepts and believes - This is going to take some time.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
