It's been quiet today... no letter came as indicted from first post but it will come probably tomorrow.

BTW - we have both lived in the same house for 17 years. I am self-employed - home based- W is also home based. If neither of us are out visiting customers, we're both home.

W's "known resentment points"

I have not put much money in our joint account since 2007 - but pay our family car expenses, all of our family
outings, misc items including big ticket items for our home - Phone bill and 30% of the food we buy in a year.

It's about her paying for 63% of everything including mortgage and me paying for everything else.
If I bought gifts for her for any reason, she would say "Why didn't you just put that in our joint account?"

In 2010 I began demanding that we have weekly (or at least one for starters) meetings. It did not matter to me what we would discuss but I wanted to establish a framework and safe zone to talk about our finances...or anything! This request was refused - with the exception of two times I can remember where it ended in "Get a real Job" and my thinking was that she just wants me to be reliably supportive of the household in her way. She does all the work to pay everything and balances the checkbook to the penny. I am aware of what I have done and not done while also knowing that some part of me says our entire marriage of nearly 18 years is disintegrating over finances.

I was really depressed at the end of Spring 2018 - stopped doing all my household chores and tried so many times to reach out to her. Three years ago, Dec of 2015 - I announced to W and S at dinner "I have accepted an offer for a long-term contract position because it's what I have needed to do for a long time" W's expression changed and my S looked at me carefully, waiting for me to continue. "This will make me a better man, a better husband and a better father"

Four months later, (April 2016) I revisited the meeting idea with W. No change. "You have a steady job now, why have you not put $ into our joint account?" My reply was "I'd like to begin to lay out with you how and what we're going to do with our money". No change in W stance - no meeting, declined walks around the block and no dates. Utter disdain.

At that time I was also working on some software and the company exploded. The partners wanted to buy me out.
There was only one person I wanted to talk to about this and it was my W. No meetings! This was something that I wanted to share with her and get her sound SuperSnif expertise on. To no avail. I often stated at the end of these meeting request's I was making (nearly in tears) "If it's important to me, it should be just as important to you"

I ended up selling out, but probably could have received much much more if I would have talked to her and she to me.

On two occasions in the last 5 years the D word was thrown out there.

At one point I said, "I am the lesser earning spouse"

I have no savings/retirement/ or much cash and have recently began funding a college account for our S. I have said, "you're worth half a million in 401K and savings... you will have to give me half or we will squander it on legal fees fighting each other"

The thought of this makes me sick... I do not want this to happen any thoughts about good things coming from a settlement like this are evil.

If the D advances beyond petition - then equitable distribution rules take over. There is a system in this state and I will insist we follow it. That's heartbreaking too.

I am processing - I read Michelles books in September. I read TDR twice. "Revolutionary" I thought "Counterintuitive" this is good stuff! I just have to get good at using it.

Right now - our marriage is dead now but I have asked God for His help. I am praying every day and night for my W - and for our marriage and family - fervent prayer - and I know and believe that nothing is over until it is.