So the day of my husband‘s Christmas party at our house I spent a lot of time cleaning the house, buying all the alcohol getting all the plates and napkins and glasses out plus I decorated the entire house for Christmas so the house looks very festive .
My H came home later in the day and seemed really stressed out and hustling trying to get things done,he gave me a few things to do and I did them and then asked him what else I can help with and he said with an attitude that he was trying to figure it out as he went along but just seem like I was annoying him by asking him what I could help with. The caterer came and I was asking where I should put the food and my husband yelled at me to put it in the refrigerator. I told him to relax and then I said the hell with this and left to my Spanish class. I was pretty pissed off and I felt like I can’t win even if I try to be positive and supportive he is going to turn it into a negative. So after my class I came home and there were a bunch of people in the house and I saw my husband walk up to me and he said he was sorry and he appreciated everything I did and he gave me a kiss and told me he loved me.
I was really happy to see he thought about things and made an effort to make them right. But the next day we had marriage counseling He brought up how even though he did tell me that he would handle things earlier in the day when I offered to do stuff he kept saying “I’ve got it I’ve got it “, but he said he wished that I would’ve taken the initiative and then he apologized and said that I did a lot and he wanted to thank me for it. So I feel like I’m getting a mixed message I am not a mind reader but I think he just wants me to do things without asking him because he has so much on his plate and needs help.
and he once again talked about how he doesn’t know if we can work things out, and he brought up how I didn’t offer to come over seas to see him after he got stabbed and was in the hospital. And I brought up how he gave me a mixed message and told me that it didn’t make sense to fly over with our son for a few days. I still am very cautious of putting myself out there and getting hurt since he dropped the DB, and I am trying to detach but here is the situation where he sounded disappointed that I didn’t make an effort to show him I cared. So my situation is tricky.
Plus sometimes my husband is very controlling and once things a certain way and that is why I don’t take initiative to do things because he might Poopoo it later on if you know what I mean. I think he is still confused And he said this weekend we would work on the questions in our book that the therapist gave us.
His love language is ask of service and mine are words or feeling heard and seen. He brought up in therapy that he was hurt that I got depressed and didn’t help out with the logistics of getting our son situated in his new school. But I did do some things and then once again he just started doing some things on his own so I just assumed he was OK with that ,not knowing that he was building up resentment against me. My girlfriend who works with him told me that he always takes on too much and I feel like I’m getting blamed because he wants me to take the initiative but yet doesn’t communicate that with me and acts as if he’s OK.
He told me he wants to start working out again, he’s been saying he hasn’t because he’s been traveling a lot that I think he’s depressed because he could work out anytime we Basically have a gym in our garage( his idea) that we bought last year And got rid of one car to fit it in.He does not want to go to any work functions and we are not going to a big Christmas party tomorrow in his defense I think he is tired and jetlagged and just wants to have a relaxed weekend. I am hopeful for a good Christmas when our son comes home. My husband’s birthday is right after Christmas and I want to do something special for him but he’s hard to buy for if anybody has any ideas or any advice about anything I spoke about please let me know thank you!
