Within the last couple of weeks, due to my detachment, WW has been downstairs more, started cooking family dinners again, tells me i look nice, says good morning and good night. I know these are baby steps from her right?
IMO, they don't count as baby steps, b/c she is still involved with OM and she's not working on the MR. Nothing she does counts as baby steps until she goes NC with OM and wants to reconcile the MR. I know that some newcomers may tell each other these are signs of progress, but it's really not. It is the WW wanting the best of both her worlds. It's cake eating.
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She has not shown remorse towards me and has only said "sorry". I know she is still speaking with OM but I dont know if she is seeing him. OM lives in another state and she has traveled several times since BD, but she was super paranoid thinking I was having her followed etc. Plus she feared I would tell her job if she went and saw him again, which I still may do, which would end up in her being terminated.
This explains another reason she has suddenly engaged in her role in the home. She's playing nice, in hopes to throw you off and so you won't get her fired, etc. You can't fall for it. It's not genuine.
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In between WW being cordial/kind with the above short statements, she keeps finding stupid petty stuff, like something I liked on FB etc and will tell me something like "You are trying to get everyone to hate me" or "See you don't want to fix things".
Unfortunately that came through text and instead of thinking before I reacted I responded stating that no I wasnt trying to get anyone to hate her and that it wasnt up to me to fix this.
Are those considered temp checks?
Yes, and as long as she is doing this stuff, you'll know she is not remorseful nor genuine about reconciling. When she sends texts of this nature.....don't respond. Don't reassure her.
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She knows he went to school. I have no idea why she would ask me that. I responded about an hour later to the second text "yes".
She doesn't really care if he went to school or not. She wants to make you respond to her texts. You handled it well. When you absolutely must respond, use one to three words....or as few as possible. No chit-chat, no niceties, etc.
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Is it ok if I just ignore texts from WW if they don't have to do with anything urgent related to kids? I don't think asking if S11 went to school is an urgent text. I am trying to keep the responses to only things urgent. Like if the kids have an appointment, or are sick, or scheduling etc.
Yes, ignore any texts that have nothing to do with the kids. I don't know why S11 not attending school that day was urgent, but you dealt with it fine. Be aware that she'll catch on fast that you only respond to kid related texts, so she'll use the kids as her "hook" to pull you into texting.
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Also, WW told me she was getting a couple of the kids gifts. I am going to get them separate gifts from me. I am not competing with the WW but I want to get them one nice gift. Is this appropriate? The gifts I get will only be from me. My kids don't believe in Santa.
Sure, you can get your kids a gift from you.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
