It's a hard balancing act showing them the attention they want, but not putting on preassure. It's really a matter of doing new things and monitoring what works. If something works, do more of it. If you take it too far, back off an start over again.
Hey Tal - Just give NG a few more week, I'm sure his time with alien will also be re-written If you have time, I'd love your perspective on my drama last night. Thanks, Slowly
HOw do you find the balance with an insecure man? How do I show affection and admiration, which he said, I never did. How do I do it while grey and without seeming persuing?
Have you ever gone grey? How long were you separated?
It is a hard thing to juggle, Nitaf, isn't it? Not pursuing, but showing a lot of attention is that is what their major complaint was about the marraige.
Mind you, I'm not recommending this to you, but looking back, I think the critical changes started for us when I did a LRT. I had hit a breaking point and told him that I was done and wanted to end the relationship rather than continue in limbo.
I think that shook him up enough to start reading books, wanting to go to marraige counseling, and put his toes back in the water.
I, on the other hand started to be much more detached, not being totally available, and even adding some mystery. My being all obsessed, anxious & panicky definatley had made him feel pressured. It had also made him feel totally in control and take me a bit for granted.
We were separated for 9 months. It felt like 5 years.
Yeah, H was cake eating so I had to set boundaries. We were ML about 2x's a wee up until amonth ago when I put a stop to it. He keeps saying too little too late but keeps coming around.I said, ok, too little too late then no Ml, give up the key, wash clothes @ mamas house where you reside,you will beinvited here for meals if I want you here,get S every other weekend. If nothing else he is treating me with more respect and I don't feel so doormatish. That is not a good feeling. He saw me as weka nad needy. Instead of stong confidant and attractive enuff that somebody else might snatch her up, issues and all.
HI Tal! You amaze me at all your wisdom! You are a great role model for all of us here! I think it is great that OG tried to pick up on you--always nice to get that boost to the ego...and even better was your reply to him. LOL
I am doing well--I moved my thread over to Surviving the D--we have officially filed and will be final 12/2--and I am actually relieved and thrilled. Having lots of fun with my life, dancing, dating, hiking, trying new things with new people (particularly of the male variety).
Anyways, was just catching up around here...thought I'd pop in and say "Hello"
Well, I haven't fallen off the face of the earth. I AM wondering if our Shinybear has. Where are you Shiny?? Miss you woman!
Life is...well, different. I haven't seen hide or hair of the alien or (former) OW in a long time. In fact, I just can't figure out what to do with my Wolfie as he treats me like the princess (that I AM) these days. We recently celebrated our 10 annaversary together and are still working on putting a wedding together in late August.
Just to let you all know: DBing works. I never agreed with the "no snooping" policy, as there were many times when snooping confirmed that actions matched words and that I could rely on my instincts.
So the year from hell came and went. I won't lie, I think both of us think about it every single day and both of us still have healing to do, but we are getting better at turning toward each other--not away from each other.
Word to the wise: DON'T rent Secret Window if you are reconciling!! Wolfie brought it home & we both had a mini-meltdown over the first scene. It's about a betrayed spouse who's mind splits on bomb-day (catches his wife in bed with an OG) then eventually kills wife and OG with a shovel. Something clicked with Wolfie though--I think it really hit home for him how it would have felt for him if the shoe had been on the other foot--as he would like to think he would take it with super-human maturity if I had been the one to be unfaithful {picture me rolling my eyes}.
He's still carrying alot of guilty baggage & I'm working on him to get him to open up more about that and start letting it go.
Big to all of you guys! Anyone care to catch me up on their latest big happenings?
If you have time, I'd love your perspective on my drama last night. Thanks, Slowly 
