I just... lost it - screaming - pleading bitching at W for creating this disruption, destroying our family and it being three months and she's done nothing!!!
Have you read DR? Next up you might want to read No More Mister Nice Guy. Reading through the above and the rest of your post I think you might have NGS (nice guy syndrome). Very common, most of the guys here have it or had it. The book title isn't what it sounds like (IE, quit being nice) but rather talks about how outwardly nice guys are often very passive/aggressive and wreck relationships through covert contracts.
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... and she's done nothing!!!
That is a GOOD thing. Because right now, if she does anything it's going to be ending the M. Those are your two options right now- end the M or do nothing. Because reconciling isn't on the menu for a long, long time.
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"My attorney filed and sent the paperwork today - you will be getting a letter soon"
She probably did this because she felt like you were demanding that she do something. You need to work on removing all pressure.
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November - I initiated an in-house separation and I am sleeping in the basement after I just remodeled it.
Like Cadet and Steve said, you should have stayed in the MBR. You left the throne of the kingdom and handed it over to your W. Also please understand the idea of DB'ing is to REMOVE pressure, to "open the cage door". It's not to kick her out, it's to let her make her own decisions. She wants to stay? You let her stay. She wants to go? You let her go. She wants to leave the MBR and sleep in the basement? You let her. But YOU stay rock solid throughout.
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while I pull away, maybe she will come closer?
Not anytime soon. She wants time and space. At first she will be glad you're giving it to her. Maybe way down the road she'll start missing you, but until then you've got to drop all expectations.
