[LH19]

W,

I have to say for the the last couple days you have been saying all the right things. Keep it up bro!

Sorry to inform you though that you are many months probably years away from having no emotions towards your sitch.

[Wanted1]

W,

I have to say for the the last couple days you have been saying all the right things. Keep it up bro!

Sorry to inform you though that you are many months probably years away from having no emotions towards your sitch.

I don't doubt that for one minute. It's just a matter of controlling those emotions and not letting those emotions control me! I am going to be as vigilant as possible to make sure I'm in control of those emotions, especially around her. I may have to come here and vent or spiral out of control but that's better than doing it in front of her.

Thanks for always checking in!

[Wanted1]

Minor update:

Had a stupid text snafu happen to me on Friday! Why this crap happens I don't know but it gets comical after awhile.

So, UPS guy shows up at work and tells me these packages need a signature. I oblige and as I'm grabbing the boxes, notice they are addressed to W at her new apartment address. Small town deal where UPS guy knows us and knew I was at the office to sign for them.

I text W that I signed for 2 packages for her and let her know that I think she can pre-sign for packages on the UPS app in the future. She texts me back and was questioning why they needed signatures because they were from amazon and that if he drops any more packages off for her to just tell him to call her cell. That she expects packages to be delivered to the address and that she doesn't expect anyone else to sign for and hold her packages.

In the meantime, I got a text from a friend asking how I was and what's been going on in my life. So I update them about W moving out eventually and tell them about this package ordeal since it had just taken place.

AND I send that message to W instead of friend. It said "She was pleasant about it at least and told me to just have the delivery man call her phone if he needs to deliver something and she doesn't expect anyone to hold packages for her. So I said will do."

Now her response is a PERFECT EXAMPLE of WW mentality. She texts me, "Who is that you're texting such petty things about me?"

I respond, "I didn't think calling you pleasant was petty but I'm sorry you feel that way."

So then she goes on about how she meant petty as in the topic, not an insult. She said the fact that I feel the need to relay something so insignificant to someone else, ya da ya da ya da. At the end of that text she writes, "Do you have any desire to head out of town tonight/tomorrow or go do something during the day on Saturday so I can spend time with the kids? I miss them like crazy and I’m not sure we can endure another weekend at home together with you the way things have been going. Definitely not telling you what to do, just asking if you’re interested."

CLASSIC rewriting of history right there as well! 'We can't endure another weekend together at home'...funny because after last weekend when we had the discussion where I told her I wanted her moved out as soon as possible, she still wanted to invite me to go out of town for the day with the kids to see Santa. And nothing has literally happened since then!

I just responded that "if i make plans, I'll give you a heads up. If I'm there, I'll be scarce. Trust me."

So, I got out of the house a bit on Saturday and tried to keep busy around the yard, etc. most of the day. We all went to mass together Saturday night. I didn't really want to go with her, but I wouldn't be able to attend Sunday morning since we were needing to get ready for D5's (now 6!) birthday party. Party went good. W didn't go out of her way to interact with me. I did need to run to the store to get some stuff so I asked her if she needed anything else for the party and gave me a list. I thought since it was for D b-day party, I would ask if there was anything else that was needed. Plus I'm trying to act 'as if'. I've been pretty upbeat and happy around her all weekend. To be honest, haven't really been all that depressed or sad when I'm along in the MBR either. I think I'm slowly becoming detached and have moved on to accepting what's probably going to happen.

Still haven't heard a word from her on what she wants me to do with the D papers. I asked her for her thoughts and feelings about them last tuesday and not a word as been spoken to me. Thinking I'll just continue to 'do nothing.'

[AnotherStander]

I made that mistake a few times, thankfully the messages were benign so no harm done. Lots of potential for headaches there though. So I triple check the sendee before texting or IM'ing now!

[Ready2Change]

Ok, now you are making me want to just sign my D papers and file them myself. To hell with waiting around to see what W thinks or what she wants......

Is your W involved with OM?

[Wanted1]

I made that mistake a few times, thankfully the messages were benign so no harm done. Lots of potential for headaches there though. So I triple check the sendee before texting or IM'ing now!

Yup....it could have been way worse. Luckily, I called her 'pleasant' and not something more in line with how she really has been! Of course, like I shared above, with the WW scrambled egg brain she still had to find cause in it.

[Wanted1]

Ok, now you are making me want to just sign my D papers and file them myself. To hell with waiting around to see what W thinks or what she wants......

Is your W involved with OM?

Good question. I don't know. Last I was told, she cut contact with him, in person, the last week of October. No clue if contact has remained or not. It wouldn't surprise me if it hasn't ceased, tbh.

I have a very sneaking suspicion that the conversation her and OM had back in October was more or less, 'let's cool it until I'm divorced and then once that happens we will be free to start back up.' Or something to that effect. I'm sure that d-bag played right into and offered to "wait" for her. Piece of #@$. Anyway, trying not to be concerned with it anymore!

[Wanted1]

This is from the daily reflections I received today from Dynamic Catholic. Man, does it speak to most of us here....

I've never doubted that God has plans for us, but knowing that God has plans for me and knowing what those plans are, are completely different things.
God really hung in there with me during the divorce. I was so afraid all of the time, not knowing what was gonna happen next or what the future would be. And that fear started impacting all aspects of my life. I prayed to God all the time about it. He gave me a pretty good talking to, and in my heart, he said, “If you're living in fear, you really don't trust that I've got this—that I've got you. You have to give it over to me, because if you keep digging in your heels and holding on to that control, you're going to continue to be scared and afraid.”
So I let go of all of the hurt and the loss and the anger. And slowly, I started to feel joy again. The joy in such a tough situation is how I knew that I was trusting God—trusting in his plans.
What about you? When has it been difficult to see God's plans for you?

[Wanted1]

Journaling....

WW told me 10 days ago (via text) that the initial pleadings she drew up were in a drawer in our MH and that 'if I want to get the process started, that's where they are and I need to sign the Certificate of Service.' (this was in response to me expressing my desire that if the end game is her moving out, I'd rather she do it as soon as possible rather than waiting around) I didn't respond to that text right away. Later on in the day, I had a weak moment and asked her if she wanted me to sign it so she could file right away. I said I wanted her thoughts and feelings on this. I told her this is her decision, not mine, but I won't stand in the way anymore.

Not sure if that would be considered pursuit or not, but on the flip side, I haven't heard boo from her since. She never responded to my text and she hasn't said anything more about it in the meantime.

Yesterday I was out of town and took the document with me to have notarized. I didn't want to do it in town for probably some weak and stupid reasons. I didn't want anyone knowing my business yet.....So, I signed the document and had it notarized and put it right back in the drawer when I got home. I'm not telling her that I did it. The initial text from 10 days ago went on to say that I could scan and email them to her and she would file them. That would require me doing some work toward getting a D IMO. I'm not going to do that. If she wants to file, she can either respond to my inquiry from 10 days ago or if she goes into the drawer to look at the paperwork, she will notice my signature is there and she can take them and file them. The ball is in her court. I didn't stand in the way by not signing, but I'm also not actively engaged in getting it filed either.

Now, this morning, I went to the drawer to see if the papers were still in there and they are gone. I think she was tidying up the surrounding area and put some more stuff in the drawer that was left out and noticed them. She must have them. I must not be as detached as I thought I was because now I have an uneasy feeling. I'm not spiraling out of control or anything, just an uneasy feeling of anticipation to see when the guillotine will be dropped on my neck.

[LH19]

W,

You are three months in and believe me when I tell you that you are no way close to being detached.

I have this sneaky suspicion that you thought you would get a reaction from her when she found the papers.

Just remember that her filing for D is not necessarily the end of the story.