Liam, sorry you are hear. Your sitch sounds eerily similar to mine. However, I was sure there was an OM because I discovered her online EA (long distance) before I initiated BD.
My first bit of advice....take back the MBR. She wants to leave the marriage so you sleep in the basement? You should, next time you are home and she isn't, take all of her things and take them to the basement. When she gets home and protests you simply state: "You want out of the marriage, YOU can move out of the MBR. I am taking it back." This is a common mistake LBSs make. And it is a beta move. You want to be an Alpha.
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No Infidelity
As LH said, this is not usually the case. I have heard of a few cases of younger women (in their 30s) leaving their husbands just to be single again. Most women 40+ do not do this. We have an analogy around here: a monkey will not leap from the branch they are on until they've identified another branch that can support them. I'd keep your eyes and ears open. It is always wise to know what you are up against. Do some recon. Be careful, if she catches you she will accuse you of snooping which can set you back.
Also, you've mentioned DBing a few times. Once in regard to saying "- I ended that day with why don't you just get it done? Make me an offer and I will step aside, etc. " Then you said: "The next day I stepped back into "the model DB'r"" This doesn't make sense to me since a model DB'r would do exactly what you said to her: step aside and let her go. So can you tell us what DB is to you? Have you read DB/DR?
Hang in there, things will get better eventually!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
