So it’s been a weird few weeks. I have a lot of stuff going on at work and it’s taking up a lot of my energy. It’s a huge lifesuck. I love my job, but I’m having a hard time office politics. I have to constantly remind myself to check my ego. So when I’m getting flustered by x, y, and z... I have to just remind myself that I’m doing the best I can and i do it with heart. Check your ego, girl!!!
On top of it, I’m dealing with ex and his shenanigans and I’m sooo drained. I know I’m close to being done with this all, but this ending might be the toughest part yet. I’m not going to be a broken record because I’ve gone round and round and round already... but I just am so perplexed by how he gets away with all this. Me and my lawyer do things to try and make it right... but then there’s always another curveball. You ever hear of those people that say, “you hurt me, I hurt you right back... and harder”. Well that’s him. At some point, we need to stop poking the bear... and we’re only doing it because he won’t comply! With anything!! It’s so crazy. It shouldn’t take 2 years to do the necessary paperwork in the divorce that you started, buddy!!!! He really thought he could get away with not disclosing certain elements. And he’s lying about businesses accounts, etc and yet, we’re the evil do’ers.
I am so tempted to just walk away... which is what he’s wanted all along.... I just can’t play his games anymore. I don’t have the strength or the will or the desire.
On another note... I haven’t felt like dating at all this year. I’ve been busy and focused on too many other things. I feel like I should put myself out there, even if it’s uncomfortable to do so and I don’t want to. The fact that my eggs are shriveling up and dying isn’t helping.
So today, I tried signing up for a dating app. There’s a problem with my iTunes account (someone tried to get in?!!) and I’ve been locked out. I don’t have the energy to investigate so I’ll take it as a sign.
Can I just nap through the holidays and wake when this is all over???
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
