Thanks everyone. I have been trying to take it slow. After spending all this time talking to her, I really do think that she is sincere.
What she is saying does fit with similar recons I've read about where the WAS did a 180 and essentially became the LBS. TXHubby's W comes to mind. There was another woman that used to post here years ago, she dumped her H and he begged and pleaded and eventually gave up and moved on and found someone else, and THAT was when she had her awakening. She begged and pleaded with him to take her back but he had a new life and was no longer interested, so she ended up here seeking advice. I read her posts with great interest back then because she was truly a full-blown WAS that did a 180 to become a LBS and she had some great insight into how that transition happened. Sandi's road back was a long and slow one, but sometimes it's like a switch is flipped. That was the way it was with that woman (wish I could remember her name). She was talking to her grandmother who was on her deathbed and her grandmother told her she was being stupid and needed to go get her H back, and suddenly she saw the light. One more example, the friend I mention sometimes whose W left him and moved in with OM and went silent for 2 years, then suddenly sought him out and started chatting, then dating, then went all-in again. The point I'm making is while her turnaround may seem unbelievable and maybe questionable, there are in fact plenty of examples of it happening.
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Every day she tells me that if I need more time, or if this doesn't work for me right now, that she will wait until I'm ready. She tells me that she loves me often and doesn't expect me to say it back to her. I am being cautious. I told her that she is going to have to do a lot of work to get our relationship back on track.
I know you need the trust back and I completely support your being cautious. But, this may not take as much work as you think. The friend I mentioned above, when his W came back after 2 years they fell right back into a serious R with no counseling or anything really. It's been several years now and they are still doing fantastic. Sometimes the whole WAS thing is a phase they go through and once they come out of it they scarcely believe they behaved the way they did. Things may very well return quickly to normal if that's what you decide you want. But of course you should keep your changes and never let the R (or M) go on autopilot again.
