Yesterday I get an email from W regarding a birthday party she is planning for S at an inside event place for kids detailing expenses that she wants me to pay for, etc. I had told her several weeks ago I wouldn’t be doing parties together...she apparently didn’t get the message. She selfishly planned this during her weekend and didn’t give me any details until now. I have already made plans and won’t break them. I have informed S and he is okay with me not going. I guess I’ll let w realize that when I don’t show up....and won’t be paying for.
I am a big proponent of peaceful co-parenting. I understand that some WAS's can be impossible to deal with, but I think sometimes LBS's are just looking for excuses to "teach them a lesson" and end up making things worse than they need to be. I think when one parent decides to take a hardline approach, then the other will follow suit. And that can create a lot of animosity. Early on when my ex would try to make parenting changes my initial thought was to tell her no, not because it was an inconvenience but because I thought I would be teaching her a lesson. But I knew I was just being vindictive and so I went along with it. Well karma happens and I found myself asking my ex for more favors than she was asking me for, usually due to unexpected work trips. And I am so thankful I didn't take that hardline approach because in the end I would have been screwing myself!
I also believe in continuing to have shared parties for the kids' birthdays. Regardless of the status of the M, I feel it's important to come together as a show of support for your kids. My ex and I still do that (just us, we don't bring OP's), we just had dinner with S15 (now 16!!) last night for his bday. Michele says in one of her books something like "when kids are involved, there's no such thing as divorce." You are linked together for life through your kids, you should strive to make that as stress-free for your kids as possible. I realize it's not always possible because some sitches are REALLY bad, I'm just saying it's something to strive for.
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W is also continuing to try to manipulate our holiday schedule to where she gets S during the key moments of Christmas. She hasn’t been reasonable so I’m just keeping to our normal schedule..as she wants to split S time up in various 9 and 12 hour shifts...nonsense. I won’t do that to my S. She can stick it for all I care.
I just hear a lot of anger in the way you're presenting this and it makes me wonder if you are so mad at her that you don't want to accommodate anything she says, or if it really is an issue. My attitude is the typical divorce split of one parent has the kids on holidays X and Y and the other on A and B and then the next year it flips is not the best setup for the kids or the parents. I mean who doesn't want to see their kids on Christmas? My ex and I usually negotiate it so that we both get some time with the kids on EVERY holiday. Sure it takes some finagling sometimes but we've made it work.
Just throwing that out there as food for thought. I'm not saying you are doing anything wrong, in this case you probably have a better sense of what is best in your particular sitch. I would just suggest that if there is some anger and resentment behind your decision you try to strip that out of it and ask yourself what is really best for the kids.
