Could really use a Sandi post about do what works explaining why not replying works.
You can't rely upon your emotions to guide you through this process. You are too emotionally enmeshed with her drama, and it's very difficult for you to distance yourself from all of it. That's why you need a list of do's and don'ts to follow, b/c you can't trust your feelings. Feelings can be fickle.
Your W appears to be very manipulative. She has "trained" you to respond whenever she snaps her fingers. Sending you a photo, text message, auto/video, etc...…..indicates her snapping her fingers. She keeps you tied to her through the cell phone. Plus, she can do this whenever it is convenient for her. She can do this while you are at work, driving, home, GAL, or whenever she chooses. She's in control as long as she can get a response from you. You cannot beak free emotionally, until you can see a text from her and not have the compulsion to respond. And, as long as you give in to that compulsion......you won't break away from her controlling hold and be your own man.
Why it works with her? As painful as you might think it is, she needs to believe she has lost control over you and that she has lost your interest. You have to prove she's lost these things by showing her the actions that match. You stop being her H. She didn't want to be your W, didn't want the MR...….so stop playing the role of a caring H. That's what works.
I think she has increased her massive phone contacts b/c she senses you pulling away, so she's pouring on the control to capture your attention and time. She wants your attention on her! Think about it. She makes almost everything about her. That seems very obvious to me, and why she wants to be in all the Facetime with D4, and playing on your sympathy b/c she knows you have a gentle heart, etc. These are selfish and manipulative actions. As long as she can control you, she is not going to respect you and she is not going to desire to be your wife. Therefore, you have to break the control. You start with not playing her games, and not responding to her texting.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
