Time to forget what I want and keep in mind what she wants. Once again, I'm sacrificing my needs for hers but in the long run the needs I have right now aren't beneficial to my overall growth detachment or beneficial to her finding her way back IF that would ever happen.
Exactly!!
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Yep, very good point. The thought of even going out on a date just seems so scary and awkward at this point let alone anything more. It's been SO long since I've done any of that but I suppose over time, like you said, it'll get more comfortable. Face your fears, right?
Definitely. And to clarify a bit, I actually enjoyed meeting and going out with women. It was the sex part that was a big adjustment. I had just wired myself to be with one person, and rewiring my mind to open up to others sexually was the tough part. Now I've been with my GF for 4 years and she's my comfort zone. Having sex with my ex just seems so utterly foreign to me now, like THAT would be wrong!
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The part that is so utterly and absolutely confusing to me is why my WW wouldn't at least consider trying to work on things even if it were just for the kids.....that, obviously, isn't really a good reason, from my standpoint, in wanting to stay in a marriage, but even if she was only trying it for the kids' sake, it surprises me greatly that she couldn't find it in her heart to just try. I've even mentioned in the past to her that what is the hurt it trying? It doesn't mean we will 100% work our issues out and R. If we tried and things didn't get better than it pretty obvious what the best course of action would be. But to just flat out refuse to try and be done without any sort of attempt continues to boggle my mind.
Oh yes it's very confusing and there is no reasonable explanation. It just doesn't add up, how can you say "I am going to spend my life with this person" and then invest heavily in a home and family with them, then decide you are done with all that and leave with hardly an explanation of why??? If I die and God meets me at the pearly gates and says "ask me anything, I will tell you the universe's secrets" then that will be number one on my list
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She tries to justify it with lame attempts at telling me the kids will be better off but everyone in their right mind knows that's just BS.
And she knows it too, but she wants desperately to convince herself otherwise. It's a lot like mental illness, her synapses are not firing properly right now.
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Maybe after some time on her own she will understand what she had wasn't really as bad as she thought it was
Very likely. Will it lead to recon? That part we can't say for sure, but she will come out of the fog some day and see things much differently than she does now. Sometimes it takes a long time. I don't think my ex really came out of the fog until this year. Her attitude has been such a dramatic reversal this year that I'm kind of surprised she hasn't hit me with the recon question. I wonder if she hasn't because either she is too ashamed, or because I have a GF now, or both.
