Hoosjim's 16th. Looks like we're piecing, folks.

[hoosjim]

So let's switch this around. Your W frequents a watering hole. The bartender is an attractive young man that seems interested in your W.

Do you let her go back?

This is actually an interesting question/issue, first because we have some precedent in our case for this if you look back through my thread, an second because i think (and this is always a point of confusion for me-- maybe im just "weird") that my take on that may be a little different than the average man.

On the latter... I actually like it when other men notice and look at my W. She's a beautiful woman and I'm always kind of like "yup thats right, shes with me". Its' kind of, idunno, validating" Ego-stroking to me, in a way(?) because such a good looking woman would be with me. At any rate, I never got the whole "Hey! Are you looking at my woman?!?"-angry knucklehead response to guys looking at some other guys woman. Be flattered! IDK, like i said maybe im just weird. Now, of course, it is an entirely different matter if you actually come on to her or touch her. THEN you and i are going to have words, and likely alot more if you laid a hand on her. Maybe if you just compliment her or the like we're okay... depends on the compliment. But i absolutely have no problem with the idea that other men may be and probably are attracted to my W.

Now, rewind to the sitch a little over a year ago, where W and i had supposedly started reconciling, where she had thrown away burner phone and supposedly (and apparently) NC-ed with OM... but she was still struglling with boundaries and with commitment to me and MR. One of her dinner and drinks nights out with GFs she was at a bar (one of friends was her very toxic and bad influence BFF) and they start having a sexually frank conversation and then decide to include the bartender (an attractive younger man) to "get his opinion". (The discussion involved male preference for women's grooming habits in... ummm... certain areas). So, then, when they are closing out, this bartender slips my W his name and phone number. Now, my W told me all of this herself (no spying by me) as soon as she got back... and i was, of course, pissed off. Not because some guy found my W attractive, but that she had put herself in that position by having a sexually frank (intimate) discussion with another man... and then perhaps by not objecting right off the bat when he gave his number by saying she was married (she was not, at that time, wearing her rings.) My W did not THEN see the problem.. although she has come around since then and since our big reset this past Spring.

So, i guess the answer is... it depends(?)

Interestingly, W and i and my folks and our kids and a couple of friends had dinner at same establishment a few weeks back, and the same bartender was there (My W indicated as much when we walked in). He obviously remembered her by the way he looked at her when we came in... which didn't bother me 't'all. (And he didn't say word one to her or approach her, either, but did glance over a few times )