[Wanted1]

The part that is so utterly and absolutely confusing to me is why my WW wouldn't at least consider trying to work on things even if it were just for the kids.....that, obviously, isn't really a good reason, from my standpoint, in wanting to stay in a marriage, but even if she was only trying it for the kids' sake, it surprises me greatly that she couldn't find it in her heart to just try. I've even mentioned in the past to her that what is the hurt it trying? It doesn't mean we will 100% work our issues out and R. If we tried and things didn't get better than it pretty obvious what the best course of action would be. But to just flat out refuse to try and be done without any sort of attempt continues to boggle my mind.

Don't the kids deserve at least as much as trying?? Whatever, I'm done trying to understand it because I never will. She would never admit it, but her desires and actions are completely centered around herself with no regard for what's in the best interests of the kids. She tries to justify it with lame attempts at telling me the kids will be better off but everyone in their right mind knows that's just BS. I think that's where the most resentment I have for her lies. Her unwillingness to at least try now that I admit and own my own shortcomings. Something I haven't been able to realize in the past.

I know either way I'll be fine. This little ordeal has given me the opportunity to bond so much more with the kids which I'm enjoying so much I can't put it into words. I also think IF she would ever decide to come back, going through this for herself will give her that much more appreciation for me and the family we have. Sometimes you don't know what you have until it's gone. Maybe after some time on her own she will understand what she had wasn't really as bad as she thought it was and if I can continue down my own path of becoming a better version of myself, a R will be much better and long lasting. If not, again, I sort of feel like Joe2017 did and clearly become the most eligible bachelor in town. That doesn't seem to be a bad prospect. With that said, on the flip side, maybe I'll realize what I didn't have with her and am currently longing for. Sort of the opposite of "you don't know what you have until it's gone." I'll find out what it's like to have a spouse/partner who truly desires to be with me, treat me with respect and is utterly head over heels for me. That still could be with her or with someone entirely new. Maybe God needs us to both go our separate ways for awhile to work on ourselves so that if R is an option we aren't back in this same situation again and we come back renewed, refreshed and recommitted to each other. She has more work to do than I. I think that's a given. This could be God protecting me from another BD down the road if she came back before she should. Time will tell.