/Late-night journaling before last-minute email and bed, only to hit it again early in the AM
I thing I need to work on with respect to detachment is not responding to her text messages right away. It’s an ingrained habit that when I see “[W] Cell—iMessage,” to swipe or open to see what it is about. Especially nowadays when there isn’t as much communication during the day. In my settings for her text messages, I disabled read receipts, so I believe they will now say ‘delivered.’ Maybe—not a tech guy. If it’s really that important, I’m sure she can call, or email me on my work email (I told her as much before YS was born).
Really getting into doing the push-ups—knocking 20 or so out before I get in the car to go home helps with blood flow, energy level, and overall mood. Need to keep this up. The thought occurred to me—don’t stop at 20, keep going until your arms feel like Jell-O. Might be the plan for tomorrow. What has also helped my finish the push-ups, is positive self-talk and self-imagery. That there is some lovely young lady (W 2.0 or someone else) underneath me during each push up and that I need to finish strong and imagine her saying my name each time saying ‘more faster deeper keep going don’t stop please sighhhhhh ahhhhhhhh.’ Man that would be nice when that will be a reality again.
A former IC would talk about accentuating the positive, and I’ve also seen here and other places the importance of positive self-talk. This is something that I need to work on, and keep up.
As I was walking YS around to get him to fall asleep, the thoughts occurred to me: I am worthy, and when I’m at my best, I’m pretty amazing and have quite a bit to offer.
In response to my earlier post about when W will ask for sex: I have to continue to believe that I am a prize TO SOMEONE. That there has to be a woman out there (W 2.0, or maybe someone else) who can / will see my gifts and talents, and want to build a life with me and sleep with me. I’m sure that there has to be at least ONE OTHER WOMAN out there who right now wants the chance to be with me, f*** me and be f***** by me, and that I WILL make her feel pretty lucky and special, and that she WILL make me feel pretty lucky and special. Honestly? Can’t wait to meet her, whoever she is. Whether or not she sleeps under the same roof and in the same bed as me.
I gotta be honest, the journaling here in the forums has been immensely helpful, and I can only imagine how much different of a place I would be in right now without the chance to write, think and be in dialogue. Thank you to all in the forums for your feedback, help and prayers.
