Figuring Out What Comes Next

[DonH]

When a girl reaches out to you assume she wants to see you. Hey OL girl it was great to hear from you, I would love to see you when are you free to get together? When she gives you her availability make a date or great why don't you pick up a bottle of wine and come to my house and we'll make dinner together.

Be a man be direct and make a date.

I don't at all disagree with you - I'm just not feeling it. To be honest, I am just not feeling anyone it seems - at least sort of. Part of me feels like I'm getting back to where I was when I finally gave up dating for awhile two years ago. I had just had enough and was not attracted to pretty much anyone I was meeting. I took a break then started dating again about six months later. It was then the beginning of this year where I stepped up my dating game due in part, perhaps large part, for needing a date for that cruise.

I talked with online girl again this past weekend briefly. Her S17 did a discovery flight and signed up to start taking flying lessons. Being a pilot myself since 1991, I wanted to see how it went so I gave her a quick call. Kinda of the same drill, drama and busy, was just taking a nap - though she did answer the phone. Then again, I can't hardly blame her as I can only imagine what it's like to try to raise two teens, have S25 move back after a suicide attempt and then start a new job working midnight to 8 AM five nights a week - then switch back to "real life" again for the weekend - only to go back to overnights again. Has to be brutal. I may - I stress may - see if she wants to get together for Christmas here - drinks or music or sight seeing lights or something. Will see if I'm "feeling it" If she is still "too busy" or "too tired" or too whatever, I won't bother. Then again, I was already there once when she reached out to me - which is what prompted your comment.

Talked with my friend who really wants me to meet the college dean lady. Sadly she is still dating "Bob" whomever that is. The story goes, she really was not looking to date and does not want an R but somehow crossed paths with this Bob guy a month or two ago and they went out and are now doing some dating. My take was, well if she doesn't want serious, why not date other guys as well? My other comment was if she's falling for the first guy she dates and is already getting serious she was not for me anyhow. Just not my type - especially 6 months after a 25 year marriage ends. You know what does bother me about this??? the fact that it doesn't really bother me. It's like more parr for the course - of course someone who looks great on paper won't become a reality - that's pretty much life. We'll see if my friend creates an opportunity for us to meet or not - sadly I'm not even caring at this point.

The long awaited cruise is now 5 weeks from tomorrow (well 5 weeks from Saturday but we will gather Thursday night for a 6 AM flight Friday). This really went pretty much EXACTLY like I wanted it to go. I didn't look back but I'm willing to bet you could find posts from me back in March/April saying I was hesitant to have to date someone all the way through and how it would be nice if I could meet someone who was fun but even if we didn't hang out much we'd still do great and just go on the cruise. Well I got it nearly item for item - only now I am not wanting it. She's been more open and reaching out - especially now that items are coming up, paperwork is arriving, luggage tags, plans, etc. And I can't say she's done anything wrong. Who knows, maybe it's all for the best as we didn't risk getting in a fight or whatever and are now both looking forward to seeing each other again - or so it seems. Again, more truth, I really have not asked her out in I'll bet a couple of months. I was sick of hearing how busy she is so I just stopped. So that part is on me.

So, I'm a bit resentful, yet, I am getting more excited too and trying just to shrug off the resentment as she's done nothing wrong - I could full well have told her I'm taking someone else. That was my choice. I'm a bit apprehensive in spending 11 days and 10 nights in a row with the same woman. I've not done that since my D 12 years ago. Neither has she I'm pretty sure since her D 9 years ago. I'm sure we'll be fine - or at least I'm highly confident. Whatever is going to happen is going to happen. I certainly don't want to get into an argument or debate about it when I next see her so my plan is to just enjoy it and we'll see how things end.

Get the feeling I would not have been happy no matter how things had gone? Yeah, I'm still kinda dark and down - you can probably tell that from my writing. Although, not significantly, just more than I was 6 months ago. I'm pretty sure everything will fall into place. And I'm positive it could most certainly be worse...

I'll end with this final irony. So I was the guy first worried I'd not find someone I want to take and then later that Wild Girl would back out on me. So what actually might happen, the 2 year GF of the drummer may be (should be) kicking is arse to the curb. Long story but he met up with his ex GF for the third time (that is known) this weekend and for the third time his GF found out about it. Why she is putting up with this is again another story for another time. But would that not be ironic if he's the 7th, 9th, 11th, 13th wheel rather than me? Then again, we've not left yet. A lot could happen in five weeks LOL.