I will admit that in light of all this the faithfulness aspect on my end gets challenged very much, too, especially with how my W is right now.
I feel more loved and appreciated by others here at work than the W does. It’s much much easier to see others who are more emotionally and spiritually stimulating, as well as physically attractive. I’m sorry—I might as well confess this in the forum, then in front of W, or worse yet, in front of someone at work.
I’ve mentioned (on this and other threads), that it’s hard to find the W attractive on the whole right now. I mean, she’s not bad looking, but the dour attitude, threats of the future, withholding sex and being emotionally unavailable are NOT turn-on’s—rather, it just kinda turns me off, and if her goal (conscious or not) is to turn me away, then MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. (I know, I know, I’m mind-reading, but might as well say it here and vent.) Next time W and I have sex (which, who knows when), under her current state, it would be more like a live-in GF, or a one-night stand.
Believe me, I don’t want to have an EA / PA, because that would ruin my family, any chance with W, and quite possibly my career / job, so it’s not worth it. An EA / PA would give her all the justification she needs to do any next steps, and that’s not what I want or should do. I’m not going to push her out the door if I can help it, or give her a reason to push me out the door.
In an earlier post, I mentioned how knowing that she texts every so often a male co-worker, and once upon a time W and I talked about the fact that those 2 met at a work training (both federal employees, but different regional offices) at a time when things weren’t so great between the 2 of us.
I guess the diff for me now is that I’m not using this period to have some lovely young woman blow up my phone.
