Hey everyone, wanted to give another update on my sitch. Things took a turn for the worse.
DID THEY? DID THEY REALLY? No Lost, they didn't. She is in EXACTLY THE SAME PLACE she has been since BD. It's YOU that keeps flip flopping around all over the place and getting your hopes up when we tell you OVER AND OVER AGAIN that you're sabotaging yourself and that you need to detach, get out, GAL and leave her alone!! Sorry for the caps but you are being particularly stubborn and somehow, some way we have got to break through to you and impress upon you that YOU NEED TO START DB'ING OR YOU HAVE ZERO CHANCE OF RECON. Yes, I said START DB'ing because to date you have not done one single thing that could be considered DB'ing.
Let's look back to 10-31:
Originally Posted by AnotherStander
imlost8, it sounds like your W is learning to miss you and that is a very good sign. You've gotten some great advice here but just to reinforce what others have told you- tread carefully, have ZERO expectations, and keep your W at arm's length. Accept some invitations and decline others. When she calls or texts, sometimes reply right away, sometimes an hour or two later and sometimes not at all (if it's nothing critical). Don't be immediately available to her all the time. DO NOT break into pursuit mode, many LBS's before you have done just that when their W started showing some positive signs and it just sends the WAS running again. Let her do all the pursuit. Keep up your GAL'ing and detaching. Good luck and keep us posted!
Read the bolded part. And how about 11-26:
Originally Posted by AnotherStander
Originally Posted by imlost8
This to me doesn’t sound like she wants to take time to work on her issues and come back. But would you say your advice still applies?
Yes the advice still applies. In fact the advice I gave you a month ago still applies, and frankly I think if you had followed it she wouldn't feel the need to push you away right now:
Quote
imlost8, it sounds like your W is learning to miss you and that is a very good sign. You've gotten some great advice here but just to reinforce what others have told you- tread carefully, have ZERO expectations, and keep your W at arm's length. Accept some invitations and decline others. When she calls or texts, sometimes reply right away, sometimes an hour or two later and sometimes not at all (if it's nothing critical). Don't be immediately available to her all the time. DO NOT break into pursuit mode, many LBS's before you have done just that when their W started showing some positive signs and it just sends the WAS running again. Let her do all the pursuit. Keep up your GAL'ing and detaching. Good luck and keep us posted!
Your W is still confused and doesn't know what she wants. It's a mistake to treat your sitch like a recon when she is still one foot (or maybe both feet) out the door. She's got to learn to miss you and she hasn't, you are far too available to her. Detach. GAL. Give her time and space.
Brother, you are not reconciling. Quit acting like you are. She is done for now, recon is way, way down the road after you both take time and space for yourselves. She only did this trip to cross off her list of "things I did to try to save the M but only proved it was already over". She is following the WAS script exactly. You are licking up the breadcrumbs like a starving dog in the street. Stop it. Leave her alone. Get out and GAL.
