Sandi2 - I see most of your posts related to responding to WW behaviors. How would you differentiate w.r.t WAW? is the approach to a WAW same as that of a WW based on what you have posted above?
From my experience and my observations the differences start in the mindset/heart of the WW/WAW. The WAW has no ulterior motive or secret agenda (unless she is saving herself and her children from a dangerous situation). Perhaps I should say she has not selfish secret agenda that involves another man. The WAW's character has not changed. She doesn't compromise her integrity and moral character. She doesn't forsake her children in order to live a "Girls Gone Wild" lifestyle. She doesn't engage in any inappropriate relationship with OM. If she leaves her husband, it is b/c the H made her life and/or the children's life so intolerable and unhappy that it's a choice to get out of bad situation. There's many levels to this scenario, ranging from the H being a jerk, not providing for his family,......to him being abusive, an alcoholic/drug addict, being imprisoned, etc. His actions kills her love. However, there is no change in who she is as a person. She may choose to leave him and make positive changes in her life.......but her personality, character, overt behavior, treatment of others, moral code of conduct, etc. that identifies who she is...…..basically does not change. She may have negative feelings toward her H, but it does not turn her into a wayward woman who loses her moral compass.
For the wayward W, it begins with resentment that has never been resolved or forgiven. This is usually connected/projected to the H, and she may carry the resentment for years. In fact, it grows......and grows. The resentment turns to feelings of disrespect for him as her H and as a man. It can turn to feelings of contempt. Her feelings of emptiness, unhappiness, loneliness, and unfulfillment in her MR begins to consume her. Her attitude/mindset slowly takes on a bitter and rebellious tone. She starts showing signs of disrespect for her H and their MR. She may develop a sense of entitlement, and believe it's time for her to find whatever makes her happy. Her feelings are her priority. She does not have to engage in an affair in order to be classified as wayward, however, in most reports that we read on the board.....this is the case. The WW's behavior and character changes are usually radical, and is shocking to her family. Her H does not recognize who she has become. In the majority of stories I've read involving WW's, she will try to keep her A secret, especially from her parents. She may change friends, if old friends don't support her new choices/changes. If the WW is successful in making her H believe she's just not in love with him and wants a S/D and that there is no OM, yada, yada, yada...…….you can bet this woman has an hidden agenda. It is revealed as soon as the H is out of the picture, and she brings her new man on the scene. If she is not financially able to live on her own, she will announce they are IHS.....and she will cake eat until a better deal comes along for her. She has not intention of reconciling the MR. She'll usually tell her H she wants them to be friends, which means she wants him to be available for her to "use". She wants power over what he does.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
