DB again... too late or last strike

[Did]

I told W I dont think we should talk at all for a while. Explaining I need to work on myself and I dont want to be connected since we arent together.

So W responded by instagram messaging me about life coaching stuff- why its unecessary knowing its something I want to do.

Facetimed me w D4. Sent me a handful of emojis from D4. Talked about what I can do for christmas with D4. She has sent me 8 messages since I responded.

[SteveLW]

This is why you don't say. You do.

You can't control her, but you can NOT respond.

[Did]

After the heart emojis etc last night got this this morning

FaceTime whenever
She has a real bad cough today
Her updated Christmas list-
A bunny that poops
A yoyo
A trumpet
A snow globe
A dream catcher
Her own kitchen that works
A popcorn maker
A scooby doo dog that has a leash and when you squeeze it his food comes out


FaceTime D4 on my way to gym? Just say good morning only talk to D4 ?

[SteveLW]

You should never not FT your D4. Limit contact with WW as much as possible.

[Did]

She sent such a cute pic of D4 and asked about pieces for LEGO gift I gave D4. I just said I don’t have any pieces.

She’s contacted me more since I said I don’t think we should talk then she has in weeks. Although it’s mostly D4 stuff. It’s all unnecessary. It’s like she’s searching for ways to keep me attached. Whether it’s intentional or not it doesn’t matter I’m moving on. No respect for my boundaries. Obviously I miss D4 and want things to be different and she knows that. I’m so fed up with W. If she wants this connection she can commit to the marriage.

And a video of D4 jumping on the bed now. I’m not taking the bait.

[SteveLW]

It’s like she’s searching for ways to keep me attached.

So ask yourself: Why would she do that? What does she gain by keeping you attached? What cake is she trying to eat?

TAKE HER CAKE AWAY!

[sandi2]

Facetimed me w D4. Sent me a handful of emojis from D4. Talked about what I can do for christmas with D4. She has sent me 8 messages since I responded.

All of these actions describe a woman who wants to control. She wants to be included when you Facetime D4, and even tell you what to do for Christmas with D4.

As you've previously stated, you are in such a habit of responding to every little thing she sends via phone......it will take considerable effort to train yourself not to react. You can do it. Start by not giving any type of response to her texts that don't ask a direct question regarding D4, or one you deem important. Then if you need to respond, use as few words as possible. No conversations, no overkill on politeness.

She's going to be a real challenge, but you can do it. Give yourself a pep talk three times a day.....or more.

[Did]

Thanks Sandi. Im strong enough to do it. I just have to get over this Fn weakness I have for her in my heart. Love and Wife whatever... I made mistakes years ago. She has hurt me a lot, used me for sex pulled me in pushed away. F that.
Im done with it. Im moving on.

Told her schedule for later this week. Which has changed due to me cancelling travel plans. Told her I was getting a babysitter that has babysat for a coach I work with for years and D4 and I are meeting her Sat AM. Invited W to join in that meeting if she wanted to be involved. Did not respond to cute pictures or any of the other BS.

[Did]

W continues to contact me more. FaceTime me with D4 twice after work. Sent me audio clip love you dad goodnight. I know W is pulling the strings here. Not sure what she’s doing I guess trying to keep me hanging around. I’m not reaching out. Not liking or thanking her for the audio clips or saying anything back. Just continuing to work on me.

Getting to the gym now. 8pm Et. Got a ton of work done today. Kinda missing connection with a woman and romantic relationship been a few months now. But definitely not running back to W. Unless there is strong commitment and effort on her part. No more games. I’m continuing to better myself and detaching.

Thanks for the support / conversation here. Really nice to have people who understand to talk to.

[ovrrnbw]

Did,

it's going to be tough, but do not falter. Keep following this plan and allow yourself to calm down a bit. Your W needs to figure out that this is what it will be like if she divorces you like she said at BD. So keep the path, only respond to direct questions. Respond as briefly as possible. Be nice, but not overly nice. Go enjoy your life.

Also, don't get temp-check here or sucked into a R talk. I can see her saying things like "I just don't know how we could ever work this out". You need to remember to validate only and not say things like "I'm sure we can figure it out - I love you" etc, etc.