I came to wonder about the following. So the general advice on here, has been to not give WW the cake-eating opportunity of spending time with me, when the kids are sleeping - meaning that whenever kids sleep, and we are in the house together, I go to another room and avoid spending time with her. I have been doing that every night that I have been home going to MBR and work / read / relax or go to bed early.
Now I came to wonder. One of the things, that WW told me on more than on occasion was: "I wanted to spend time with you, but you prioritized everything and everyone else", "I just wanted to sit on the couch with you and watch a movie, but you never found time, or always had an apology", "I wanted to cuddle up in blankets with you in the livingroom, but you never wanted to, and always refused saying it was too warm or you didn't feel like it".
I can see how not giving her cake-eating opportunities with me as long as she is with another man makes the most sense. But I also think, she told me straight up, what she really was longing for, and what I didn't provide, and definitely do not at this time.
I just came to think about those statements, and then wanted to be absolutely sure, that I do continue this path (I think I do?)
This question comes up quite frequently. "WAS said I was cold and distant in the M, isn't giving her time and space just 'more of the same' behavior? Aren't I just pushing her farther away?" First you have to ask yourself was it really as bad as she's making it sound, because WAS's love to rewrite history, exaggerate facts and even come up with complete nonsense as a way of justifying their actions. Second you have to understand that once she became a WAS she no longer wants you to fix whatever problems she presents you with. Whereas before she was a WAS she may have wanted you to change, now she doesn't want you to, she's just explaining to you why she's done. Any non-intimate changes you make are going to be seen by her as "too little too late" (she may even say that out loud) and any intimate changes (spending more time together, cuddling, etc.) are going to turn her off or even repulse her.
So the answer is do not do anything that can be construed as pursuit behavior such as trying to cuddle, physical touches, spending more time with her because she doesn't want those things from you right now. Do 180's on any bad behavior you can though, not for her but for YOU. Eventually she will probably look back, and you want her to see a better you- more together, confident, good-looking, fit. Maybe THEN she'll want that cuddle time again, but it's going to take a long while.
Originally Posted by Hurt213
Well she just texted me the following:
"I hope you all came out of the door well this morning (emoji smiley and emoji thumbs up), Did you respond the brokers regarding the sales papers? Do I also have to respond to them ? Or is it okay if only one of us answers them?"
I haven't answered her. How do I reply ? I am thinking something like "This is your endeavor, so if you feel like it, go ahead and accept the papers".
I agree with Joe, short and to the point wins the day. "Yes, you should. Thanks." is perfect. Brief, neutral, polite. Be careful with comments like "this is your endeavor" because it's unnecessary, accusatory and inflammatory. That's how fights get started!
