Journaling: there are days where I feel that my W will never come back and we have been separated too long for her to want to reconcile. I will not even know how to strike up a conversation with her. Her biggest reason for wanting a divorce is because we have nothing in common, and there is no point convincing her. Her parents just enable this behavior. I am continuing to cooperate with her but I feel she feels that all hope is lost. I know I cannot convince her to try, but I wish she would. She has nothing to lose.
Do not try to convince her to try. The more you do this, the more determined she will be to proceed w/a divorce. Right now, nothing will please her and in her mind, you and the marriage are the problem. She can't see that the problem is within herself. She needs time and space to do this.
You are going to have to dig deeper for patience because this is a marathon, not a sprint. This crisis has been a long time coming and it's going to take as long as it takes for her to work through her issues.
If you have time, read Westo's threads. Her husband is back home and is slowly returning to normal.
Dig deeper for patience and above all else....keep the focus on you. When things look bleak, try to stay positive. For out of darkness comes light.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you peace and job. Just feel like I am in the clock with the draft decree coming to me. Also, I am angry how the decreemakes no mention of my kids from previous marriage who love her and want to be with her.
its reasonable to be angry ,but much more beneficial to not act on that anger feel it -share here or with safe person then release it
remember it is not personal, many MLCers will abandon their own kids, step kids, blood brothers and sisters and their parents they want to be free--carefree--no responsibility
I bet there are maybe just a few here if any who can say their MLCer remained as good a parent as they were b4 bomb all part of the crises
MY xh has had no contact with his kids since 2009 the LBS has to find a way to be there for the abandoned kids
I told my kids more than once he loves them very much but he is in a crises If he recovers, we will here from him
over time they let go they are 17 and 23 never bring him up they are both doing amazingly well
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Thank you, peace. She is a good mother and she is great with my kids/our kids. She just ignores me and avoids speaking to me unless it is text or email. Her mother now hides from me when I am in the house. They know she is in the wrong. Her mom once said she knows I am trying but her daughter has always been this way of once she makes up her mind, you cannot do anything.
Journaling: watched my eldest making gifts for their stepmom; unaware of the fact she is walking away from this marriage. One is painting a picture frame and wants to add a photo of me and the kids for her. Not sure how that will go on Christmas morning. It is sad to know that she is choosing to end a marriage without even trying to work on it. Her reasons for leaving are red herrings. She is just unhappy with her life.
Any thoughts from the forum on the right gift for Christmas given my W is coming? Would an offer to join the kids and me one of two vacations this summer I am planning? Or is that offering more cake eating, just delaying the inevitable?
I would suggest that the gift come from you and the children or just the children. I would keep the gift generic, maybe have the kids do a craft for her. Do not buy her anything personal. A gift card to her favorite store may be a good one.
I wouldn't offer up an invitation to join you and the kids on vacations this summer. It would be more appropriate to offer this up closer to the time of the vacations because anything can happen between now and then.
Keep the focus on Christmas and your kids for now. Involve them in the gift giving process.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
