Regarding everything else, I don't think I was controlling or manipulating in our MR. If she expressed her desire to do something, I never stood in her way.
Controlling types never think they are controlling. I see a lot of red flags though, so explore it with your IC. I'm not saying you are controlling, it's hard to judge that over online posts. But there are enough concerns in what you are posting that it's something you should check into.
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I am trying to do what is best for myself right now.
Here is what is best for you right now- STOP. BREATHE. GET OUT. GAL.
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We've been at it for almost 3 months now and nothing has changed.
We're not kidding when we say this is a marathon. I know 3 months seems like forever but it's not, it's a blip on the radar. Recons never happen that fast. I've been on here for many years and only remember two recons that happened in less than a year. Most happen in the 1-3 year range. Some take longer than that.
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I can't detach and move on with her always around. When she told me 2 weeks ago that she is done, why should I wait around and let her continue to have all of the advantages of being in a MR with none of the responsibilities? If she is done, she needs to move out. Simple as that. I told her I would wait for her to sort through her feelings and decide what she wanted to do. It appears she has and therefore why wait any longer? If anything is going to change her mind or give her pause, I truly believe it would possibly come from experiencing what reality will be like for her outside of the family. Being on her own, etc.
OK, well first of all you can't legally kick her out. She has as much right to be there as you do. You can demand she leave, but she can refuse and then where does that leave you. Same place, but looking like a powerless fool. Second, what is the big hurry? Do you think that once she leaves you will magically be detached and done with her? No, only TIME and GAL does that and it will do it whether she is there or not. Third:
"If anything is going to change her mind or give her pause, I truly believe it would possibly come from experiencing what reality will be like for her outside of the family."
if you think doing this is going to be a wake-up call for her, you are wrong. She will more than likely embrace her new single life, at least at first. She is on a journey and nothing you do will speed it up, in fact most of what you are now doing is just slowing her down. You know how you can help speed her on her journey? LEAVE HER ALONE.
