Snarky comment back: “That’s fine. I just will not then be back in the morning for presents. I’m sure the kids will be thrilled. I can’t get up that early and make it over there”.
Very passive/aggressive comment from him. Basically what this boils down to is "you're not giving me my way and I'm going to throw a tantrum like a 3-year-old at the grocery store that wants candy". I'm just curious, how far away does he live? Just how early would he have to get up? Regardless, if I had to get up at 2am and drive 5 hours to spend Christmas morning with my kids I would %^&*ing well do it. He's being a spoiled brat.
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I was feeling generous so I informed him since the kids are grown up I planned to do gifts later in the a.m. I think I’m being more than generous and accommodating in light of his choice to stay out of the home. So now I will leave it alone and he will either choose to participate or not.
I agree. You could have told him you didn't want him to come by at all.
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What really made me feel like the bad guy though was my S21’s reaction.
His reaction sounds to me like he was just letting some anger and frustration boil over, he's probably just lashing out at you because you are there and you're a convenient target. I went through that with my middle D quite a bit, not so much the other two but she really let me have it a few times. It really hurts because you're trying to hold things together as best you can for the kids and then if one or more of them target you like that it makes you feel like a bad parent. Just try to keep in mind it probably has more to do with his frustration over the whole situation rather than you in particular. Just try to listen and validate.
My R with my middle D is better than ever now, I think in part because despite her venting on me I tried to remain a rock and lighthouse as best I could. Even though it hurt at the time we later had some great talks and she told me she respected me for how I reacted to it.
