Brave Little Gerda, So Chilled She Could Not Speak

[Gerda]

Thank you, Marina -- You are such a kind soul.

I have been facing truly impossible circumstances that are related to the MLC but not directly the MLC -- I had tried to sell our biz after H went crazy and it has been in court for two years, me pro se fighting all alone and H refusing to know anything about it -- well, those people abandoned the space, leaving me personally liable for two years of sales tax they never paid and tons of other debts and the landlord ready to sue me for the rest of the lease term. I am in and out of court constantly, filing motions and everything on my own. And still i have all my other jobs on top of this plus the horrible divorce inching forward but my H still here and chatting with me if I am open and kind.

I truly feel like Job (the OT one, not our beloved board mother Job!) and sometimes I am so scared I just want to crawl under a rock and die.

But mostly I just talk to God, all day, and I tell him i am trying to trust Him, I am leaning on Christ, I am walking through the fire but I know He is walking with me, and sometimes I let myself free fall into His arms, and the trust fills me up with this impossible feeling of peace and joy. And sometimes I just let the terror overtake me instead.

But mostly I try to remember that this is the day God made, this one, with all of this in it, there is a Goodness here I don't understand yet but one day I will.