Why do I feel like the bad guy just because I set a small boundary? H saw the kids today, and instead of “discussing” Christmas it appears he had the kids make the decision. He texted that “the kids would like me to come Christmas Eve and stay and be there Christmas Day if that’s okay with you. I will be fine in the guest room”. So kids announced what they want, and he wants me to agree. I told him he was welcome to come Christmas Eve and Christmas day, but preferred he did not sleep here.
Snarky comment back: “That’s fine. I just will not then be back in the morning for presents. I’m sure the kids will be thrilled. I can’t get up that early and make it over there”. I was feeling generous so I informed him since the kids are grown up I planned to do gifts later in the a.m. I think I’m being more than generous and accommodating in light of his choice to stay out of the home. So now I will leave it alone and he will either choose to participate or not.
What really made me feel like the bad guy though was my S21’s reaction. I told the kids that in light of H’s choice to continue to live elsewhere, I preferred he didn’t sleep at the house but he was more than welcome for Christmas Eve and Christmas day. He launched into you lied to us all this time! I need specific reasons why this is happening! It went on and on. He kept accusing ME of pretending that nothing is wrong. I explained that is why I don’t think H should stay here, because THAT would be pretending. I asked D19 if she wanted to talk about it or had any questions. She just said “I hope you will wait until after Christmas to divorce”. Broke my heart! I told here H and I haven’t even spoken about that. She just said that no one separates for 4 months and not get divorced.
I ended the discussion by reassuring both that I am always here for them. I know I am my kid’s rock, and I think they know it too. H is lacking in that department. But, that’s nothing new.
I’m getting more glimpses of my new reality, and I don’t like it.
