[Wanted1]

Update:

Had my IC session this morning. She told me that in her opinion, it would be best to wait until after the holidays to make the transition of my W moving out. So there's that....I want to do what's in the best interest of my kids. That's my #1 priority. They take precedent over my wants and desires, personally, that's for sure. How do I bring this up to my W? I told her I was going to talk about everything with IC today so she knew that was the plan today.

Has anyone else's IC given them a hug after their session?

Mine did today. It wasn't because I was emotional or anything like that. I think she truly understands and empathizes with just how F#$%ed up my situation is and realizes that I'm pretty much getting the shaft. I told her toward the end that I hate the thought of being a victim and have never really had that mentality in anything but I do sort of feel like I'm getting the raw end of the deal in this situation. I've always had pretty much 4 close friends that I would consider my best friends. My W has destroyed 2 of those 4 relationships for me. Now she's wanting to destroy my family to top it all off. I've always had the opinion that I could forgive her for the friendships that have been destroyed because family comes first. Now that it appears she's dead set on torching our family as well, I have a lot of resentment building for her. I was willing to give her not 1, 2 or 3 chances, but 4. She can't even provide me with one second chance to correct the things that she has deemed as my short comings or problems in our M. That stings and for lack of a better term, pisses me off. I will say, though, the resentment and anger I have makes it a hell of a lot easier to detach. And then I can add in basically abandoning our business we built together and leaving me with all of that to contend with, by myself, and the fact that she basically gets to "get away" from everything by working in another town now leaves me to face the community who will eventually know where our situation is headed when she moves out, leaves me to manage the kids with getting them to school and daycare and picking them up and feeding them supper all by myself. Thankfully my parents live here and have been a huge help thus far. I'll always be grateful for the help they've given me so far. I don't know, just feels like I'm the one shoulder deep in crap and she gets to basically walk away and not face any of the music. Pretty similar to after her relationships with my 2 friends did the same. In those instances, I'm the one left getting to answer questions why I don't associate with them anymore, etc.

We all deserve someone who wants to be with us. Who truly loves us for who we are and what we bring to a relationship. I have faith that there is someone out there that will appreciate me. No one is perfect. I know I could have done things better in our M. Do I think that my deficiencies are so egregious that they warrant a D without giving me a chance to become a better version of myself now that I know what they are? Absolutely not. But that is not for me to decide and I have no control over it. I have no doubt that God intends to give me someone great in my life down the road and that she will treat me better than my current W ever did. That thought of that sounds so amazing to me right now and I'm going to put all my trust in Him.

I do think my W's comments about moving out last week were sort of a "bluff" now that I look at it. Last week she said the apartment was going to be ready on Friday when a friend of hers (who is, ironically, going through a D) moved out. This weekend she told me that that apartment wasn't the one she was going to rent because it was only one bedroom. I didn't put 2 and 2 together until this morning on my drive to my IC session. That in addition to her hustling in to talk to me after I mentioned going to look for new furniture. That's the first time she's come to me with any "urgency" to talk about anything throughout this whole ordeal....oh well, don't really care either way anymore.