Hello again. Thank you all so much for the support. I've been doing pretty good lately. Feeling a lot more like myself again. More happiness and confidence than I've felt for some time. Having said that, like I mentioned above, I think the holidays can be hard even when things are feeling better. Still, I've been doing good with getting presents for all my friends and family as well as getting the house decorated for Christmas. Its mainly when I think about Christmas day and possibly waking up to an empty house that starts to pull at me a little. I think that's the mindset I was in with the confusion I was feeling in my post above. As the days tick by I am feeling more peace about it.
DejaVu: I'm sorry to hear you are about to experience your first Christmas apart too. And yeah, 6 months isn't a long time, but BD was about 2 years ago (will be 2 years in a couple weeks). W moved out for 2 months last year but then moved back in. So 6 months is just how long since W moved out, but I've been dealing with all the MLC stuff for a couple years now. I like your idea of maybe being friends with the girl I met until I'm a little bit more ready for dating. Thank you for that!
Marina: Hi there. About 4 months ago I had lunch with a girl I used to date from church when I was in high school. The lunch wasn't really a date, but I absolutely felt like I was doing something wrong...like I was cheating. I did not do that again because it was obvious to me at that point that I was in no way ready to date. I felt like I was doing something wrong and it wasn't even a date. This time with the girl I met recently, it felt different. What felt wrong wasn't regarding cheating. What felt wrong was more to do with feeling like I might be misleading her somehow. Its hard to describe, but maybe like I felt like I had info that I wasn't disclosing. Which is kind of true. This MLC thing has a lot of layers and its not easy to describe to people, even if they are interested in hearing about it. Whether I feel over my relationship with W or not, I know that despite what she has said, she isn't ACTUALLY done with it. I know that there is no guarantee the spouse will want to return when they "wake up", but I'm pretty sure based on how I've handled myself and how our relationship was before that W will EVENTUALLY be interested in fixing things between us. At this point I'm not sure thats even something that I'm going to want anymore, but I know its a situation I will have to deal with eventually. In talking to this girl I am realizing that a few things about myself and what I want that I hadn't really considered before. W and I got together really young and we kind of grew up together, so to speak. I've never as an adult been in a relationship with anyone else. Talking to this girl (again, not anything serious with her yet, mainly just good conversation) makes me realize that other people interact in different ways. W and I got along good before MLC, but I am starting to realize that I might actually get along better with someone else. You are right about missing being wanted. I certainly do. I am sure that is a big part of it, but I don't think that's all of it. Thank you so much for your support and advice.
DnJ: Sigh...as usual, you are right and I agree. I have been told multiple times since joining these boards that the advice that was given was a 2x4, but it never really felt like that. This time it did. Your advice and support is perfect and just what I needed to hear, but I didn't WANT to hear it. Being with and talking to this girl is very nice. I really like her. She is really smart, cute, and we have a lot in common. She is an environmental biologist. I know I probably shouldn't be talking to her yet. Its funny, now that you mention it, this is the stage I was fighting to get to...and now that I'm here I guess I'm already ready to fight to get to the next stage. I guess I need to stop a minute and appreciate just getting this far. Doing all of these things for yourself/ourselves is something that we say to each other over and over. I've kind of taken it on as a mantra to myself. Having said that, for whatever reason, reading it at the end of your comment to me was different this time. It actually MEANT something to me this time. I caught a glimpse of what that actually meant. Before, everything in my head was about W. Doing things for myself meant fixing myself...so that I could get W back. The second half of that was more subconscious, but still there. Now saying that was more in relation to standing without dating or moving on...not about W. Common denominator, me. I am the reason to do things without a subconscious anything else. I realize the direction I was heading and how talking to someone else changes that direction, whether for the good or the bad, it changes. I won't lie, I still want to talk to this girl. But I recognize a little better now why I shouldn't. Because it would be better for ME and my healing/growth. I think I might go reread the indifference/detachment comments you made. Curious if I would read it differently this time. As always, thank you so much for the advice, support, and needed 2x4's. Hopefully I will be able to use the advice wisely. I do have an observation regarding you. I may be wrong about this, but I noticed that you recently referred to your W as your STBXW. I don't think I've seen you refer to her as your STBX before. Do you think there is any deeper meaning there?
Gerda: Its good to hear from you. I always look for updates on your thread when I log in. I'm proud of you for standing strong when in a situation that could have lead to more. I now know how hard that can be. Throughout my marriage I never even tried to look at another woman so the lure of someone else is new to me. I mean, if some floozy flirts with me I probably wouldn't even notice it, but its a different story when the person is someone you might actually like and it happens more naturally. I often look out at the stars and let my mind wander as I contemplate the universe, but I haven't ever tried speaking out to it. I like that. I think I'll give that a try. Thank you so much! And Gerda, we love you too!!
I guess I have a lot to think about...which really is no different than before. I guess what I am thinking about is what is changing. Back to my ongoing effort of continual self improvement. Hope you guys are doing ok today. I want you all to be great, but that might be a tall order for some of us given the circumstances, so I will stick wth OK for today.
