Whirlwind of Hurt 5

[Ready2Change]

I never have anything to add when sandi replies except she knows what she is talking about. You need to do everything in your power to listen to her words, and internalize them into future behavior.

[Twofeet]

Sandi, AS, Everyone,

My house doesn't really need anything I really like the way it looks. I replaced some things that she took such as the TV, certain appliances, and kids items. I am a minimalist so there are things I did not replace. W and I have very similar tastes so my house and her new house are pretty neutral. Hers is more feminine and mine is more masculine because she took what feminine touches she had when she separated. I have a few ideas for some changes, but I want to save my money for now and spend it on my GAL. My GAL has been mostly solo GAL which might be part of some of my issues. I think I need to do some more social GAL. I was thinking about signing up for yoga, that may be more social. I was thinking about taking some Spanish lessons locally so I think that would be social. There is a meetup group for consumers of my industry and I was thinking about doing that. I was also going to get a ski pass for the first time in years which maybe more solo, but I probably could find a group to go with. Just kind of need to figure it all out and balance it with the kids schedule and needs. I am going out to dinner with my folks on Friday with a couple who my parents have befriended and are around my age. I am also having a couple who are long time friends of mine over for dinner on Saturday.

I took her diplomas off the wall today so now only my diplomas are up. I wrapped them up and will give them to W today when she swings by to drop of the girls dresses for their Christmas program tonight. I told her to bring them after dinner, so she doesn't try to have dinner at my house again. We be driving separate to the program. I haven't taken down our wedding photo. I tried to do it today, but I just couldn't make myself do it yet.

I sent her an email listing all the money she owes me for November and December with a note that I needed to be reimbursed for November as soon as possible and December charges need to be paid by the end of the month. W CC finally stopped sending me charge notifications. I felt some anxiety because I am in the dark, but also some relief for the same reason.

Lastly, I called up IC to schedule an appointment. I kind of was on a as needed basis at this point with IC. I think I might have hit the depression stage in the grieving process. I feel like garbage, my heart hurts, and I am crying or at the point of crying all the time. I am just at an all time low. I feel like lying in bed and I feel low on motivation, but I know I gotta stay on the move so I don't sink further.

I know everyone knows this, but man this is just so hard and hurts so much.

-AS, what I can say right now based on where I am at, as long myself and W are alive I will have some small hope of reconciliation.

-Sandi I totally get what you are saying. I know you are not pro-divorce. Thanks for the 2x4 and gameplan.

[Ready2Change]

I haven't taken down our wedding photo. I tried to do it today, but I just couldn't make myself do it yet.

Next time you walk past it. Take it down. Put it in the "Memory" box in the garage or the "For the kids when they are older" Box.

[Ready2Change]

Put a picture of a Corvette or something manly in its place. Or the kids. Or a horse.

If W ever asks:

H"W, I like this picture better"

[JB42]

I took down all of our wedding and marriage stuff yesterday, anything that reminds me of our MR. That was rough, so I know how you feel. I put all the pictures in a large envelope, frames with lovey messages, small trinkets, tokens, and the whole set of wedding items into a large box in my basement. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet - S14 gave me a hug when he noticed. I think it's made being in the house easier, for what it's worth. As for your depression, the best antidote that I've found is friends. I had a serious case of depression when I was a young adult and handled it very poorly. I isolated myself, didn't take care of myself, never talked about my feelings, didn't socialize - I was ready to end it all, but eventually my friends (to include my W, who was only a friend at the time) pulled me out of it. I'm handling myself much better through this event, though it still drags me down on occasion.

My recommendation is DO NOT DO IT ALONE. Hit me with a private message and we can talk offline if you need someone.

[Twofeet]

Things just seem to be getting progressively worse.

W came over with the girls dresses and we got them ready for the Christmas program. We drove separately to the venue. At the venue S3 and myself saved seats for W and in-laws. W decided to sit next to me. I chatted it up with inlaws a bit before the concert. They wanted to know where my parent were. I told them they couldn't come because they were pretty broken up from losing there prized heifer and her unborn calf. I left work to go help them, put she had to be put down. Anyway the concert was great. All the kids did a good job and it was entertaining. I didn't ignore W, but I didn't initiate any covos. During the concert W leans over and whispers TF we need to talk about the kids school. I say it's a great school, what wrong with it? She says we need talk because I can't afford to pay it. I say let's talk later. So she tries call me later in the night, but at that point I am getting kids for bed. She sends a text to not call her we will talk later. I call anyway because D5 is sobbing and wants mommy. After W talks to D5 I tell W she will need to call me early because my day is pretty busy, then I say goodnight.

Well great, she is either so overspent she can't afford tuition or she is trying to manipulate me to pay more. Or both. We both wanted our kids to be educated in a religious based institution. The state we left was in the top 10 for public education the state we are now is in the bottom 10 for public education. Our kids are in a really good Christian school and I would like to keep them there. A 3rd school in a year? A new school would be a bit much for the kids.

We will see what she says tomorrow, but things keep sliding down hill.

-JB42 I think private messages are disabled.

[Ready2Change]

W came over....W leans over and whispers.....she says we need talk......... I tell W she will need to call me early

Is this working for you?

Well great, she is either so overspent she can't afford tuition or she is trying to manipulate me to pay more. Or both.

Most likely manipulation.

We will see what she says tomorrow.

Please do not speak with this woman. Let it go to voice mail. Let it go to VM again, and again. Listen to them. Decide if it is a good idea or not to respond. Most likely it is not a good idea. If you must, respond via text.

H:"W, I saw you called. I am busy right now. If it is important, send me a text with the details. Thanks"

or


H:"W, I saw you called. I can't talk right now. If it is important, send me a text with the details. Thanks"

[AnotherStander]

Things just seem to be getting progressively worse.

We will see what she says tomorrow, but things keep sliding down hill.

Why, because W said she wanted to talk about school? So talk about school. Why are you letting it wreck your PMA.

[neffer]

Things just seem to be getting progressively worse.

We will see what she says tomorrow, but things keep sliding down hill.

Why, because W said she wanted to talk about school? So talk about school. Why are you letting it wreck your PMA.

Yep, you are above all of this. Don´t sabotage your PMA. Avoid those instant reactions.

[DejaVu6]

Hi Twofeet. Just want to send you some support. I know how tough this is. (((Hugs)))