Determined now as I move forward..

[Dtrmned]

Had a good GAL weekend. Hikes on Saturday and Sunday. Went out Fri and Sat night and had a late lunch out on Sunday so I kept busy. I also cleaned the heck out of the house Saturday as well. It was fun and it looks great! I miss my kids at home though. Then this morning I got rocked back into being sad. Had a friend of my W and ours just text merely asking if we still lived at our same address (assumption she was sending out Christmas cards). I responded that yes, I still lived there. I guess she caught the "I" and called and asked if we were separated. I said yes. I didn't give details. I simply asked that she contact my W to get her new address as I wanted to respect her privacy so she could give it to whom she chooses. I also asked for our friend to support my W. I emphasized clearly that i was not looking for anyone to "lobby" on my behalf, simply that my W could use some friends that have known her prior to all of this and know how happy and who she was. I don't know if this is right or wrong, but I do truly wish my W the best and the support of her long term friends that knew her before can support her through this as well and not just the new friends that are feeding into her waywardness. Probably selfish on my part, but I did pause, think and decided I truly was suggesting this for her and not for "us" or just "me".

W and kids came by on Saturday to pick up something for one of the kids. They were in and out in about 20 minutes. I had just finished the house and again it looked great. Small interactions with W. Nothing regarding anything other than kids. Keeping busy today. Lunch with a colleague and dinner with a friend tonight. At the moment I just feel like running away. The friend contact this morning really knocked me back for a minute. My head is clearer and clearer as each day goes. I feel my confidence and even swagger coming back. This week I will get the kids some present and put them under the tree. Question: Should I work with my W regarding present for the kids? I'm not talking about buying them together or anything, just letting her know what I am getting them and what she is getting them so we both don't get the same thing and it is not an all out competition or anything. Also, asking, is it inappropriate to invite her for Christmas Eve and stay in the guest room for Christmas morning? Too much? Too soon? Too enabling? Too attached? Too selfish on my part? Too many questions!!!!!

Back at work and again, the text flooded it all back and I am in my head presently, I will shake it off and get back. I am thankful for this board. I miss my wife, I miss my family, I miss my partner, I miss my lover, I miss my friend. Some moments it is just too much to bear. This weekend I was more detached than ever. I engaged in conversations with people I didn't even know and they were interested. The knowledge that I will be fine is now there. I know I will be.