Still here. Still not detached... (Part 3)

[Chris73]

Worried about how she'll react is NGS, not "but also". Non-NGS is: however she reacts, I'll handle it.

Gotta tell ya, this really hit home with me over the weekend. And it's slowing becoming my mantra.

This type of thinking is very difficult to adopt for me as I am ALWAYS concerned with how other people will react to my behavior. NGS 101 right? But the more I practice it, the more I realize how simple it is. And this statement really nails it: "However she reacts, I'll handle it." I LOVE this.

For the past 2 years every conversation with my ex has been difficult, but especially so after she moved out last Jan. Since then neither of us has uttered a word about the problems in our relationship or trying to work things out. But I still agonize about our interactions. It's such a fine line between being cold and being detached, but I'm getting better.

It's pretty easy if the conversation is administrative (shared costs, kid schedules, etc.), but sometimes she'll send me a picture of the kids doing something funny or cute and it's tough to know how to respond to those. Even harder is when the kids do something funny or cute when they're with me. Lately I've been keeping these to myself and not sharing them with her, but I feel kinda $hitty about it.

I suppose part of the problem is that I still think about her a lot. I can't fight those feelings, but I'm getting better at how I react to them. And lately I've gotten to the point where I rarely share anything with her anymore.