Getting Mixed Signals - New Thread

[Living]

Reflection:

What I think is working in my sitch...

Please be warned that by no means am I an expert at DB. I am almost 3 months into my sitch this time around.

* The positive changes that I’m making in myself. Also being consistent with those changes. In the past I made changes but wasn’t consistent. Some of the changes are things that my H complained about. And you know what? My change has inspired a few changes in him. Example: one thing he complained about is the kitchen not getting cleaned up before we go to bed. I’ve made sure for the last 2 months (since he brought it up) that the kitchen is spotless before we go to bed. At first it started out with me just cleaning the kitchen. Now, he comes in and helps me each night.

* GAL - H and I normally spend weekends together (doing nothing but together) he’s been shocked to see me getting all dressed up and GAL without him. I shall continue with this. I’ve made a list of things I want to do and I’m checking them off.

* That brings me to looking good. I’ve been making sure I get up everyday and I make myself look beautiful. In all honesty, I had totally let myself go. I felt frumpy and it showed. Now I get up put on nice clothes, makeup, fix my hair and walk around with confidence. When my husband met me I was confident and took very good care of myself. I’m getting back to that person and it feels good.

*I’ve started to loose weight H never complained about that but the extra weight affected my confidence. I also didn’t feel sexy and that affected our sex life. So I’ve started to loose weight so I can feel better about myself and to get healthier. After all, I’m not getting any younger. I’ve lost 15 pounds so far and it feels great. My plan is to start working out, I’m just trying to fit ghat into my crazy schedule.

* At night I always put on something cute and feminine. No more old oversized raggedy t-shirts. No more of my H shorts. This has made him notice me but it’s also boosted my confidence. I feel sexy and I love it. Now I’m not taking over the top lingerie. No just feminine pajamas.

* When I’ve noticed that my H is watching me like a hawk, I will do little things to make him watch me even more. These things are subtle but they definitely get his attention.

* I have detached from him. This seems to be one of the things that has scared him. It’s showing him what a life without me will look like. Unfortunately for my H he still lives at home, so me detaching from him is even harder. He has to watch me walk around (looking good) and know that I’m not fooling with him.

* I put him and all of his things out of our MBR. He’s totally moved into our daughters bedroom (she’s away at college). He never in a million years thought he would come home to find all of his things laying on her bed. That’s where he’s been sleeping and will continue to sleep until he gets it together or moves out. Again, this is showing him what life will be like without me. Each night he begs to come sleep with me and I decline.

* When he comes to talk with me about our sitch, I just listen and let him talk. It helps because I really want to hear what he’s saying. I also want him to feel comfortable talking with me.

* I haven’t said the words “I love you” in probably 2 months.

* I’m showing him a self-confident woman who will survive with or without him.

That’s it, that’s what I think is working. Again I’m no expert and if you look at my thread you’ll see that. I have good days and bad days. This has been one of the toughest challenges of my life. I love my H with all my heart. I truly hope things work out for us but if they don’t, I must go on with life.

One of the best things that has happened is me finding this forum. Everyone that has commented on my threads has truly helped me. I’m not sure where I would be if I hadn’t found this forum. I probably would have begged my H and continued to make myself look like a fool. I probably also would have totally chased him away. This forum has been a Godsend. It’s given me the tools to navigate this uncharted terrain that is know as my marriage.