Getting Mixed Signals - New Thread

[Living]

How much have you read in the piecing area of forum? There may be some good words of wisdom for you there. Only you can determine if you are entering that stage of the process. Obviously if you have any doubts, you have not got to that stage yet. But, you can always get yourself educated.


I also think it would be helpful for others if you posted a reflection on what you think "Is working"

R2C I have read a couple of threads in the piecing forum but I’ll be sure to go back and read more. I’m not comfortable saying that we are at the piecing stage just yet. However, again, I’ll check that forum out.

Warning: Long post

We had a long talk again last night. Again, H initiated the conversation. He basically reiterated how much he loves me. He says he feels like he has to figure out who he is. He doesn’t feel like he’s been a good H. He’s ashamed that he had an affair on me because I didn’t deserve it. He just can’t figure out why he was so weak. He also can’t figure out at what point in our marriage he started to feel a disconnect. He said there was a time when he was happily married and that he loved being my H. He’s just not exactly sure when that changed or what made it change. He referred back to a time when we had a beautiful home, he had a good job that he loved, and we were more financially stable. He said he was happy then.

We relocated from our home state 4 and 1/2 years ago after he retired from the military. He took a job here that didn’t turn out the way he planned. He then got another job that also hasn’t turned out the way he expected it to. He actually likes the job but doesn’t like the management he works with. When we moved here we rented houses that never felt like our former home. So I get what he’s saying there because that’s been hard for me too. We went from living in a beautiful house that felt like home to living in rentals that always felt temporary. I think I’m finally starting to also realize that him retiring from the military has taken a toll on him. It was 23 years of his life that he loved. He loved what he did and seemed much happier then. We have also had financial issues since moving here but our financial situation has greatly improved thank God!

We now have purchased a home and we are renovating it. I’m working on making it feel like a home. Maybe that will help some!

Back to our convo...He said he feels like he just can’t get marriage right. However, he said that he’s scared to let me go because he thinks he will end up regretting it. He also said he’s scared of being alone. He said he’s not sure if it’s that he’s truly unhappy being married or if it’s something else. I told him it sounds like he’s unhappy with himself and that he’s a mess (his words). I explained to him that he seems to have a lot going on and that with everything he has going on he can’t be a husband right now. I told him it’s important that he works on finding himself.

He said I’m just going through something that I just can’t explain. He mentioned again that he has demons from his past that are eating at him. I again encouraged him to talk with his IC about these things since he’s not comfortable sharing them with me at this time. I told him at some point he has to tell someone so that he can lift that burden off his shoulders. I think something may have happened to him when he was a child. However I’m not positive, but it’s something.

He then says that he has noticed how good I’ve been looking. He says he thinks I’m absolutely beautiful. He said that he also notices that I’ve changed some of the things he complained about. He said he appreciates it and notices it all. I told him I’m not making changes for him, I’m making them for myself. He then said he’s enjoyed the chase and pursuing me.

We ended our conversation by him telling me he needs more time to figure things out but he assured me he’s working on it. He then asked me if I could give him more time. He said he doesn’t want to rush to a D and he hopes I don’t either but he understands he can’t control that. He asked me could I give him more time. I said nothing. I honestly didn’t know what to say. He came in my room as I was getting in bed and he climbed in my bed and said, you never answered my question. I asked him why does he hold on to me if he claims to want out. He said because I truly love you with all my heart. He then asked again, if I could give him more time. I said I can’t answer that right now. I then told him good night and insisted that he go sleep in his room. Of course he wanted to stay in bed with me but I wouldn’t allow it. I then locked my door and he tried to come back in but couldn’t get in.