Sandi's Reflections - Part 2

[sandi2]

And what Sandi says gives me all the more reason to be vindictive to her and have her feel even more pain and anguish in the coming weeks and months.

I believe I addressed the subject of vindictiveness on your thread. Enforcing your boundaries may cause her certain consequences for dishonoring them.....or it may not. As a man of honor, you make the decisions that you believe are right and line up with your values/principles. But your goal should not be to show vindictiveness toward her. I'm sure it must be difficult when your spouse is rubbing your nose in her cr@p every day.

Another thing some LBH's struggle with is not rescuing the WW when she starts experiencing trouble/problems (from whatever source or for whatever reason). Although she's treated him horribly, and nothing has changed in their R, she'll often run to him to bail her out. That's when he has to allow her to put on her big girl panties and deal with it herself. Again, this is not vindication, IMHO, but it's simply allowing her to deal with the reality of her choices...….and/or how live without him will be for her. This is not punishment. It is you not bailing her out of the consequences of life that hit her. Make sense? She doesn't want to be M to you, so with the end of the M comes the end of you protecting her and fixing her problems.

It's not your job to administer punishment to her. It's your job to protect your own feelings (set boundaries around yourself) and know what action you will do if those boundaries are crossed. It's not about you controlling her, but protecting yourself. You have to know how to separate making calm decisions rather than reacting to emotional pain. Are you focused on seeing her suffer...…….. or are you focused on protecting yourself from the pain she inflicts on you?

I also know that saying what I said means I need to detach and GAL more. And continue to seek counseling for these feelings. But holy crap...I have never felt this kind of anger ever.

Well, it takes time to figure all of this out and deal with your emotions. GAL is the best medicine you take. Even if you just go somewhere to read......it gets you away from the house.

You may need to do some specific type of vigorous activity that works off some the anger. Like punching a boxing bag.