Getting Mixed Signals - New Thread

[Living]

Journaling:

I’ve had a decent weekend although the weather here has been horrible. On Friday H asked me out and so I went. We actually had a good time. Dinner and a movie. It was kind of nice to see him smile and I enjoyed his company.

Saturday I stayed in all day because I had some business and work related issues to tend to. Plus again, the weather is pretty nasty right now. H came in my office and sat down. I could tell something was on his mind but I didn’t say anything. He said I want you to know I appreciate you. I asked why. He then stated that he appreciates me for not giving up on him. He said he wanted to thank me for putting him out of the MBR. He said it really showed him how things would be if he leaves. I asked him how that was working out for him (being put out of our bedroom). He said it [censored] and he misses me. I just looked at him, stayed quiet and listened.

He again said he’s going through something and that he hates himself for what he’s done to me. He told me, I want you to believe me when I say that. He then said I feel so horrible for cheating on you last year. He said he’s ashamed and hates himself for doing that. He said he doesn’t even know why he did it but he knows he was weak and stupid. I said well you weren’t getting it from me so....He then said, no it wasn’t your fault. He said I was weak and stupid and I made a bad decision. He said you are not to blame for my stupid decision no matter what was happening in our marriage. I just sat there and listened to him. Plus I don’t blame myself but it felt good hearing him say it wasn’t my fault.

I know I’m not supposed to trust his words, only his actions. But it felt kind of good to hear him say these things. It’s like he’s finally truly seeing some of the damage he’s caused. I’m not saying this changes anything but it does feel good to hear him acknowledge and show remorse for some of the stupid crap he’s done. I told him that I will continue to pray for him and he said thank you!