So, she shows up, without warning at my place around 6 p.m. And she has brought me an unexpected Christmas present of a couple of pairs of really nice "smart wool" socks for biking in the cold. But then proceeds to tell me that she doesn't think we should see each other any more. How bizarre!?!? It certainly stung/stings that she doesn't want to keep seeing me, but it was offset by the sheer absurdity of bringing me socks as a present while telling me that.
To top it off, she then sends me a series of ten(!!) text messages while I am driving to and at my work party, wondering if I have tried on the socks, how they are, why I'm not responding, etc....
If there is one thing I've learned during this time is hurt people do stupid things. And when I say that, I am referring to me not H (though he too has been hurt and done some stupid things). Think about it this way "smart socks for riding in the cold". This is a gift she put thought and time into. She was excited about giving it to you. She had expectations and the reality, for whatever reasons, did not meet those expectations. So, she was hurt and she cut you off. Then she thought better of it and sent you lots of texts temp checking. This is more about her than you. You now need to think if this is a relationship you want to invest time in because, if not, and you pursue, then she will get hurt. I know you are a good man and you will do the right thing.
Originally Posted by Davide
It sounds like there are some striking similarities in our spouses. (woo... alliteration!) Do you find that your H is ruled by emotion? That seems to be a dominant theme for my W - it feels to me that she is a slave to her emotions, whether it be unhappiness in the MR, or limerence with the OM.
Firstly - go you for knowing what alliteration is. My H is very much ruled by his emotions but he does not know how to handle them. They sit and they fester beneath the surface. The dominant ones for him are resentment, anger, jealousy and love for me. Trying to reconcile these emotions over the six months before he MO must have been hell for him. Endless thought tunnels. He said about two months after BD (not to me) that I was all he could think about. Part of him escaped so that he could put those emotions to bed. I sometimes still see the love in his eyes, but he hides it very well under the rainbows and unicorns façade. All I can say is he feels very far away.
