Thanks. I have to believe that there is some sort of crisis with the W—she has admitted to me in the past month or two that she felt like she has lost her sense of self. I’m sure a lot of that drives her anger / unhappiness. To what extent that is because of the pregnancy (sharing a body with YS, and then YS needing so much, especially with respect to breast-feeding), W being home on maternity leave (up until Christmas), and / or that is because the pregnancy closed off a career path to her—to what extent, I’m not sure, I don’t think I will ever know, and I’m not even sure she knows, tbh. It seems to me (but I can’t and won’t force her), is that she needs to sort this out, to some extent via prayer, but definitely with a IC. I’ve maintained numerous times on these threads that if she is in such a bad place, that she needs to be in front of an IC every week or two, but I’m not going to force her.
I am doing my best to accept who she is, and detach, but for me the struggle is finding balance—detach lovingly, without being cold or mean—although since that would require me being rather different than in the past, it may initially look like being cold or mean to her. In that respect I need to thread the needle.
I tried to be perfect over spring and summer, and even during paternity leave that I took after YS was born, but it doesn’t seem like it mattered to her, from what she told me back in Oct., so I echo what you are saying.
I do feel like this pregnancy ‘broke’ her—and I can’t (shouldn’t AND won’t) put her back together. I didn’t break her, can’t fix her. This is her journey, too. I’m not going to try to change how she feels—I do know that that won’t work either short-term or long-term.
