[Wanted1]

Well, at least most of the replies lined up with what I did. W had asked my plans for today and I said, "not sure." She pressed a little more and I then said I might go to X and start looking at some furniture. She asked what kind of furniture to which I replied for the living room and kids bedrooms. She then came into the MBR to talk.

Just as I suspected, she started out by saying that she didn't want the kids to have any negative feelings or emotions to surround the Xmas season, so she didn't think it was a good idea to make any massive changes (her moving out) that would affect them and possibly cause them to always associate the holiday season with "us and what we are going through."

I told her that I understand her concern, I've decided that I can't continue to play family anymore. Her being around is not allowing me to continue down my path of moving on. I said that I feel as though I've already started down it, but I can't continue this so that I can continue that journey. I reminded her that she and my IC both told me that if something like this is to happen, our kids are at the best age for it to take place (whatever that means) and so while I know it will be hard on them, any time is going to be hard on them. I said that her texts last week informing me of her decision were all I needed to start my process of moving on and I don't feel as though we should wait for the inevitable to happen. I don't think 20 years down the road, my kids are going to say, "Gee, Dad, I wish you could have put up with that awkwardness so we could spend one more holiday together." What I wanted to say is, you are controlling the situation of choosing to leave, but I'm going to control the situation now as to when it's going to happen. You can't have it both ways. It's your decision and now your get to start the "process" of that decision. But I didn't!

She then told me that she didn't want to move out until we had a custody arrangement set and that my suggestion doesn't work for her. I told her I understand she probably needs to talk to her employer about certain things regarding her work but that I'd appreciate a proposal from her within the coming week and I'd review it. Later on, she came to me with a proposal she thought might work which was essentially switching off every other day during the week and each of us taking every other weekend. Basically I'd have them M-W-F and she would have them T-TH and we would split weekends. That sounds like a nightmare to me. No time to get in a routine or really even bond with the kids. I then sent her another suggestion I found online that is 3-3-4-4 which would give the kids the same routine each week and they are at each household on the same days each week except for weekends which alternate.

I don't know guys, while I feel like puking, I also feel some sort of relief. I've always maintained that she needs to experience what this is going to be like before she would ever change her mind, so I guess that's where it's headed. To be honest, I'm not sure my heart is in it anymore if she would change her mind. I feel just "done" right now.

I did tell her I have a session with my IC on Monday so I'll talk to her about the holidays with such a large transition and see if she has any strong opinions one way or the other. However, I followed that up and said that my desire is that she moves out as soon as she is able and the only reason I would consider letting her wait until after the holidays is if it ends up being in the best interests of our kids that we wait based on what my IC says (and you guys I suppose too!). I wanted to stress to her that my desire isn't going to change but if waiting is better for the kids, I suppose I can suffer through it.

She just informed me right now she's going to look at an apartment that she originally inquired about.

W,

How about letting the kids enjoy one more Christmas together as a family?

Because, her decision is destroying my kids' only sense of family. Why not get on with that decision so we can all start the healing process and move forward? What's the point of spending a Christmas together when the inevitable is going to happen a few days afterwards? Maybe I'm being the selfish one now but that's how I feel. I don't think its best for my well being to be a door mat and let her dictate when she's going to leave. She made the decision to leave, now she can honor my request and do it as soon as possible.