I, too, have lost both my parents. They were devoted to each other. Not in a heart-fluttering, catch your breath kind of way... but they went through everything together, they raised their kids together, they supported each other in good times and in bad, they were loyal and they accepted each other as imperfect individuals. They were fantastic parents and amazing role models. I was lucky to have them both in my life for as long as I did although, of course, I wish I had had them for longer. My dad never got to meet my H or our kids. He would have been a great role model for my H and I know they would have gotten along well.
I don’t know that you are defeating yourself by being seen. That depends. I am someone who wears her heart on her sleeve and I do not have a good poker face. So...in that respect, I think that is probably true for me. I am detaching though so I think it will be less and less true as time goes on. My H, I have discovered, hides his true self from everyone he knows... he is a master. So, he looks like he is doing great. The mounting liquor store charges on our Visa, however, make me wonder. Of course, it may also be an indicator that he is sharing drinks with another person or people. Would not surprise me. I have come to realize that marriage vows mean nothing to him so, in his mind, he is justified in whatever he does. Not my circus, not my monkeys.
I know where you are at Turbine. You feel that if you drop the rope, you are giving up on your MR. I think you really need to understand that you are currently hanging on to something that no longer exists. Your MR is over. There may be an R with your W in the future but not now, not when she feels the way that she does. Love yourself first. Work on you. Spend time with your kids. Do some things that make you happy. Be AMOAFWL and LET HER GO. It is the only way through this. (((Turbine)))
