Man. Your update was hard to read. I remember being in that state myself, of taking on the blame and questioning everything that I did. There is a level of self-interrogation that is healthy, but it is very easy to fall into cheeseless tunnels and uncontrollable patterns of thought. A lot of the questions you ask you will never get an answer to. As scary as that may feel right now, it will be okay, even without answers.
Please, remember to practice self-compassion. These struggles are real, but you are not the only one going through them. As bad as it feels right now, it will get better, there really is a light at the end of the tunnel even if you can't see it right now. This group is a great place to share your feelings and look for support. Keep using it.
I know it is hard, but keep GALing. Get out and be active, even if you don't feel like it. Enjoy the time with your kids and get out and be social when you don't have them. Have a great get-away weekend!
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
