So sorry to hear that you are struggling and that you are currently blaming yourself. I, too, went down that path when all of this started. I am not perfect... there are many things I could have changed or worked on had I been given the opportunity by my H. But I wasn’t...he is the one who lied to me for years...he is the one who made the choice EVERY day to keep up his facade and disrespect me and our children. I would not and could not have ever done that to someone I married and built a life with. Very few people could. My H is broken and he needs to fix himself but I’m not sure he will or even that he can. Certainly he has every reason in the world to want to do the work. But it would require a level of honesty and strength of character that he does not have right now. He thinks happiness lies outside of himself. Your W does too and you can’t stop her from looking for it. The only person you can control is you. As hard as it is, you need to let her go and heal yourself. Don’t worry about the dating thing. If you go down that road before you are truly ready, you will only be distracting yourself from the pain and not actually healing from it. Do not worry about what she is doing. She will do what she will do whether you worry about it or not. Why put yourself through that pain? You need to come to terms with the fact that she is gone. I know that sounds harsh but it is the truth. The W you knew and loved is no more. GAL, 180... be the best TF you can be and leave her to her monkeys. You will be better off regardless of what she does and that is ultimately the goal. You did not CAUSE this TF. She is the one who gave up and left, not you. She had many other choices and she did not make them. That’s on her, not you. Stop blaming yourself. You did the best you could with the information you had...as did I. Ultimately, it takes two people to make a marriage work. Forgive yourself. Focus on you and your kids. Make every day the best it can be. (((Twofeet)))
