1 year in, and still surviving

[peacetoday]

The more you get grounded in your new reality
the more you heal and accept what is
the more positive messages form U tube speakers you listen to to remind you

The better you get---the better he gets
I believe that-

work on you and see-what happens

[black8]

Job, well I wrote her offering to join for Christmas. She is looking into it and will respond. So that seems positive, however, on the same day, I get a draft divorce decree to review. I feel like pressure is on me to do well at Christmas, because I have an uphill battle with this divorce being seemingly complete soon. I wish my wife would reconsider.

[black8]

Thanks peacetoday. It is the upcoming havoc my first wife will wreak on me is what I fear. She will demand counseling for my kids and try to change my custody schedule.

[job]

I am glad you offered up the "join the family at Christmas" option. If she comes, just be yourself and enjoy the day w/your children. Christmas is about the children and the new memories that you are making w/them. If she doesn't come, then let it be. If the children ask where she is you can be honest and say, she may have had other plans.

As for pressure on doing well at Christmas...no one is perfect and it can be a very stressful time of the year. Try to keep things simple. You don't have to go over board and jump through hoops. Your children will be happy w/whatever you plan for them because they are at home, with gifts under the tree and spending the time with you.

Just be yourself.

[black8]

Thanks, Job. Wife offered to come Christmas Eve and leave Christmas Day and is paying for her own ticket. I thanked her for coming and offered for her to stay longer if she was comfortable doing so. Said kids will be happy their stepmom and mom will be there.

[job]

That is wonderful. The kids will enjoy the holiday season. Just remember...be yourself and keep things simple. If things get a bit stressful, take a walk or get in the car and drive a bit. You do not have to stay and deal w/the tense situation. The women can handle it for a bit.

[black8]

Yes, job. The kids are excited that their mom/stepmom is coming. In fact, she changed her flight and is now coming for three days. I’m still thinking this somewhat cake eating (with her sending a divorce decree to me a few days ago) and I was not invited for Thanksgiving by her, but I need to put the kids first over my anger about this whole situation. The whole draft divorce decree shows no consideration for my eldest kids, which is sad, considering they tell me they love her so much.

[marina7]

Black8,

I just caught up, with your story.

I know it seems like W cares less about kids. Oh trust
Me the stories I can tell you.

I myself ask why do MLC even run from kids.
Or treat kids also the way they treat us.

Or not sure if you have seen this yet. W
will treat one child as their golden child. That
Child can't do wrong.

I am reading alot about this and trying to get
a better understanding of it.

What I seen because I am living it.
That child W can manipulate. Child doesn't have
a back bone and doesn't speak up. Is pretty sad
Because is a form of abuse.

I have 3 kids s10 W took now I am fighting hard for him
S10 is the child that says Yes mom, ok mom, sorry mom....

And d10 and s9 are very outspoken. They will tell
You when your wrong. They don't have a problem speaking
In fact they are to honest. Is a good quality and bad quality also
But also with d10 or s9 you can't manipulate them as I'll buy you this
But do this. With s10 W does.

S10 has never kept secrets from me. Now he does, he is only
A child so when he talks things slip out. I just listen I don't correct
Him or nothing. Why because he is being taught to lie and keep
Things away from me. What I do is always remind s10 I am here
And even when things are not right this mommy going be here.

So your W treats oldest wrong because oldest understands more
And oldest will ask your W questions. And MLCers don't like to be ask
Questions. Mlcers like to feel powered. If W knew she could manipulate your
Oldest trust me she would

As I stated MLCers have lots of qualities of narcissist... yes I said that
So be very careful I read that you don't want Ex wife to know about what's
Going on with current wife.

Don't be surprise W has contacted Ex.
My opinion is to speak to Ex before W does and they both turn on you.
Be honest with Ex.

It also happened to me W contacted family that I don't even speak to
To tell her side and become the Victim. I have a good really with step mom
And W was planting her seed to step mom but my mom didn't fall for that.
My step mom has known me for 38yrs and help me through alot as a teenager and in my twenties
I never lied to mom. So my mom knew before I knew that W was looking for an
Excuse to leave.

I am not trying to scare you. But when MLCers are going
Through this they don't care who in front of them they will
Run you over like trash.

This is the part I am still figuring out. Some MLCers snap
Out of it some wish you die or even hurt you.

So again if you have custody of 2 oldest make sure you
Also get legal advice about ex wife.

Best of luck... and remember

One day at a time

[black8]

Thanks for the well wishes and advice, marina7. Yes, I already have attorneys working this. I don’t think my W will contact the ex. But at some point the ex will find out if divorce is finalized.

[Rita]

But his are the most real and raw expressions from an MLCer I have seen anywhere. I just read them again to remind myself.

Holy moly, OneArt -- I just entered that tunnel of your link, you are totally right about real and raw and watching the process play out. Had never read those before. I felt like my H was posting, but without the intellectual overlay. WOW. And of course, in his case, it turned around much more quickly.

And just thinking about that guy's wife, and the fact that I am her in so many ways. Wanted to give her a big hug and cheer her on.

When he talked about what he had done to his family and how he was never happy -- wow, vindication! I wonder if my H will ever admit that. And in my case, my H is setting out to destroy us financially too. Not to highjack. Just an amazing thread you showed us.

Wow, I am exhausted. And just took a half hour away from working that I didn't have!

But it was somehow good to read all that. WOW.