DB again... too late or last strike

[Did]

Made the mistake of ft her on way home from school gave daughter phone I didn’t talk at all. I guess it is NGS mistake trying to do what she wanted without her having to communicate and ask for it.

Coaching is for my development and future not marriage related. Maybe I will try DB coachIng too. Haven’t committed to anything. His perspective was you can’t control her you change and improve yourself and maybe she will want to do it for herself.

[Ginger1]

Hold on tight, you are about to get a 2x4:

It is not NGS. It’s you not knowing how to sit still, always having to react, and always trying to get a reaction out of her Anyway you can.

Just. Stop. Be still. Be silent.

[SoTorn]

I agree with Ginger. God it's so hard not to be critical of what they do and/or thinking of what we can do to get them to notice.

Every time I even think about what my WW is doing I just immediately imagine something positive I'm doing. Every time I think of something to do for myself I take a step back and ensure that I am truly just doing it for myself.

[Did]

W asks how D4 is doing said good shes playing with mermaid jewlery I got her.

Then she says ok let me know if she wants to facetime.... since she isn't directly asking just ignore it? Or have D4 call her?

[Ginger1]

Are you listening to the advice we keep giving you?

You keep asking, we keep answering, you do the opposite, then come back and ask the same questions again

You need to mediate or something. Take some time to be silent in your head. Come to some peace.

I’m going to ask you.

How do you think you should answer?

[Did]

Yes I’m listening. Don’t talk to her. Don’t reach out to her. I haven’t been.

She called to ft I gave D4 phone. W asked for pics and to ft later. I just won’t send anything or reach out unless she directly asks. No more cake eating. If she wants to be here she could be. She can feel a sense of loss...

[Did]

W says any pictures? Really miss her.

I sent one picture of her playing with Hanukkah presents.

W said Big lee (our dog) always next to her. I didn’t respond.

Instinct would be to talk about D4 at the nutcracker performance we went to and how attentive and into it she was. But saying nothing.

[Did]

W sent me a pic of D4 in school outfit. She looks so beautiful. Haven’t responded to the picture. Want to say something but I guess I won’t. Man I miss that connection we had just to joke around and be fun not to mention sexual. Been a few months and that’s starting to get to me.

I did go there yesterday and drop off D4 and had like an hour before work and stayed and played. W seemed to be following me into other rooms and trying to get my attention. Talking about her dreams and sleep patterns. Not trying to read into it. I didn’t say much to her.

Feeling lonely and down worried about holidays. Have an IC appointment with new therapist in 40 min. Then going to D4 school and working out and having her overnight. Just journaling here instead of throwing sht at friends or family or talking to w.

[sandi2]

Sending and/or requesting for photos on a regular basis is how she keeps you emotionally hooked. Do you know what I mean?

[Did]

Sandi I’m really grateful to hear from you. I am completely committed to DB as well as working on myself. Hope you have the time to chime in occasionally. Appreciate your time.

Yes I know what you mean. I am not going to respond to the pic. Although I’d like to double tap to love it or say beautiful. I will not.

It seems W continues to operate from a subconscious / emotional level and just think D4 looks beautiful I’ll send to Dad. Probably sends to her fam as well. But yes it keeps me attached. She told me she’s been sleeping like five hours a night about a dream she had with a premi baby that we were at a party and I tried to help it. I didn’t respond much just listened then focused on D4 for the short time I was around them yesterday. It doesn’t feel good being around her.

I’m heading into Ic in a second. I have been listening to this audio course single on purpose by the angry therapist who has a couple good books. Talks about men working on themselves and one of the goals is to have good relationships. Just ten minutes of listening on my way here and I feel a bit better.

Just stay dark... do what I need for me. Thanks all for the support and advice. See how new Ic goes.