I will consistently maintain (and I know you don’t need to re-hear this, but) if she really is that angry / depressed, she needs to be in front of someone often. I don’t know, man.
Back when things hit the fan in February, I (and looking back this looks like a total mistake) asked W how her IC visits were going, and first visit her IC asks W her thoughts about divorce. Naturally, already-shell-shocked me was put on tilt.
I’m not going to presume the marital status / happiness of the couples I see out there—I’m not trying to dwell on pessimism and will instead try to see the best in others, W included.
I have thought about finding a new IC—we have an appt next week, but wonder if this could be a New Year’s resolution. I don’t think it’s a good idea to ask her about her anger because, despite how much she says I’m to blame, I didn’t break her in this regard, and I can’t fix her.
I know in many regards my sitch is different from most others on here, and I know that my W is not a bad person. She flawed? Yup, but so am I. Ways she could be more attractive, physically and emotionally? Yup, same. But I also am noticing how many attractive women around my age there are, and I know that genuinely good men are hard to find, so in case she even decides to go nuclear on me, I can at least mentally prepare myself for that in that regard. I do see the good in W, see shades of the W and mother she can be, and I do find her physically attractive, but this dynamic (her unhappiness / anger) does damper my attraction to her—I want to be with someone who wants to be with me and be happy about being pregnant and bearing our children.
But I also know I want / need / deserve better. I just don’t need this from her—at all.
Was up grading last night—have a Metric Ton of grading to do before finals week before Christmas. W comes by and tells me she is going to take a shower. I say ‘sure’—I shouldn’t read much into it, probably just a ‘hey, keep an ear out for YS in case he wakes up’ on her part. I’ve learned from being shot down recently to NOT ask if she wants company there, or to do something sexual beforehand. I’m not interested in getting shot down repeatedly, so I’m not asking. Why do this to myself?
I shouldn’t have to beg her for sex—and I am remorseful of the times in the past where she felt like she needed to beg me because I was so tired / busy, but I’ve also tried to make it up. And she is still supposedly angry with me. She wants extra-curricular activities with me? She knows where to find me.
