Just keep swimming, I think I can, I think I can part2

[marina7]

Journaling,

Wow what a day..

So quick run down W is in MLC and WAW

So when W left, W took Bar, stereo system and half of closet
And let's not forget cleaned bank account less than 500 in bank
Literally W took every penny. And was using Credit cards. Rack up close
To $6,000 or more before I realized it and listened I never thought W would
Do this to me or Trios

So when I have to pack up a 3,000 square feet home, bestfriend
Let me put items in Shed.
Now BF is leaving so today I and friends went to put things in a
Storage place.

Wow just wow but No tears
Even Friends that knew the story finally seen wow W did check out
Found all W discharge papers from Military, all W awards and
Accomplishments and purple heart and American flag W was given

Also W was married yes to a Man found divorce papers
W filed wow...
Friends where at all why did W just leave all this and all
Family pictures, literally I have her life memories from childhood till
Bd.

I just look through important things and trash not important thing.

I also didn't realize W labels everything. How did I miss this.

Very organized
But the most interesting thing lots of books of self image
Before W met me. W has struggled with mental problems I also
Didn't see it. Found journals of w before me.

I respect W when we where together I never looked through her things
I trusted this woman.

Many emotions right now. Many memories

I also did it this weekend because Trios are with her
I didn't want to bring memories for them..

I am more saddened then anything I didn't know W. I was so caught
Up with work then kids I didn't realize W needed me more than ever

[marina7]

This feels like a nightmare,

Gal called like upset why am not doing new therapy
I reminded the gal did she forget what W said

W exactly said
Do your recommendations, I am done

Gal said I thought you both agreed to that
I said Gal I just stood quiet and nodded like
Showing you W is like a rollercoaster.

Now I am getting frustrated this is tiring
I feel like I have said. Gal trying to convince W
Not to do that. Because now is like oh.

I know I must take it day by day.

But this is ridiculous
I never seen someone just keeps pushing this case
To prolong.
Then the GAL said I gotta make sure non of the kids
Are affected. I wanted to say wtf...

So W walking away and then taking s10 and then
Telling the kids they ruined W life is not enough for
Gal to see...

As you can see am super frustrated.

Oh yeah Gal says oh don't forget to make a payment
Again wtf... I am getting so tired of this chananengans

[peacetoday]

Hang in M

You have done everything you can and maybe now is time to just let go and find peace
Pray for the GAL to see the full truth
listen to some positive messages...let them play throughout the day if possible
let kids hear them
Joel Olsteen is fabulous absolutely love his messages
and stay grounded

Getting centered may help you actually get what you want-

[Kyh]

Hi Marina, sorry this is still dragging out, I know how taxing that wait is. I went through the same thing, asking how ex’s actions weren’t bad enough to see what was going on. Be patient and focus on yourself. Try to stay positive and keep your focus.

[marina7]

Peacetoday and kyh

Yes just taking it a day at a time.

And praying for a Miracle soon. Unfortunately we
Live in a world that all lawyers care is about $$$

Is hard to find people anymore who care for kids sake

But I also understand they have their families and bills.
I just feel GAL is focus on getting paid and I yet have
seen any movement of kids. We here since March 2018
That's when GAL started and we going on a year.

Peacetoday yes listening alot to YouTube when
Driving. It's very helpful. I thank God for this site.
There's days am lost.

Kyh, dragging is an understatement lol but
I also know God has another plan. I am just
Physically and emotionally tired.

So not sure if ya remember I had a lump on my
Breast. Well had a follow up doctor found two more
So after holidays doing another mammogram and
Praying for the best.

I am just ready to ve able to breathe again there's
days I feel like am suffocating. I am just tired.
It feels like I don't sleep.

Been having lots of crazy dreams.
One is am drowning or house is under water.
The last two nights I am dreaming that I wake up
And find myself bleeding like I been stabbed and kids
Also.

And another was I was in the park with Trios and I am
Watching them and someone comes from the back
And stabs me over and over.

Is a horrible dream. But also scary because there's
Days I feel scared of W. She is not stable.

W has those sink in eyes, shark eyes. W went off on
Me in text yesterday. Something we agreed about kids
W says I want to know when you go somewhere
And where. Blah blah blah W went on and on.

I did ignore W text because again W trying to use
S10 as a pawn. I screenshot and sent to GAL.

So here we go again.

[peacetoday]

Dreaming that you have been stabbed means your struggle with power. You may be experiencing feelings of inadequacy and defensiveness. Alternatively, you may be feeling betrayed as the popular phrase goes, "being stabbed in the back". Dreaming that you stab someone indicates your fear of betrayal and your untrusting nature. You may be too much on the defensive.

Got this from the dream dictionary

just try to relax more Marina
You have to take care of you-eat good, rest, put the u tube tapes on at night
they will help you sleep too-

prayers to you

[peacetoday]

PS

U can research all your dreams on this site called hyperdictionary
usually they mean something different than you think

but there could be messages for you

[marina7]

Peacetoday,

Thank you,
Yes the dream of me being stabbed in the back
I figured that's what it meant.

Being stabbed from W.

Yes getting rest and trying to eat even when I
am not hungry.

When I have the Trios together I usually get good
Sleep because they are with me.

So nothing much on this front
Besides W again trying to tell me
If I don't do xyz I won't get s10 I
Had to remind W
You don't want to that or I will
Call xyz if I don't get s10.

But besides that Trios and I
Are hanging on to these hard times.

[DnJ]

Hello marina

You sure are having a time of it.

You asked about MLCers, back when W stood in a blizzard and went through a box of her stuff.

My W left everything. All her childhood things are here, photo albums, keepsakes, everything.

I think they are like a teenager, a bad version of who they were. Imagine a teen with money, cars, house, freedom, no responsibilities, ya it is going to be bad. They live in the past, within themselves.

There are different paths into the brain, to memory. Seeing things long fogotten, hearing a favorite song, tasting something from your childhood, the smell of Mom cooking supper, or the tactile feel of special items.

The box of W’s things touch on many of these. Stirred up memories and brought her to the present, for a while. Seeing what she has given up, the guilt, the shame, the memories - it is enough to make someone stand in a blizzard and pause in the fogotteness of the lost.

Take care marina. You are doing great.

DnJ

[marina7]

DnJ,

Wow you always seem to put things into amazing words.
I closed my eyes and pictured W thoughts.

And this was a taste of little things I have the big memories

Why I haven't gave to W because that one box W stood there in a blizzard
And I seen her lost. As you said DnJ like a child state.

I can't imagine W getting the big things,
Purple heart , military flag that W was honored. Badges and baby pictures
As you said everything.

Now that I see this I would hold on to it. Until trio's are old enough to
Make a decision when they are mens and women.

It sadden me and us here LBS how we lose them.
Just like that they are gone. We are left with everything.